As the new year unfolds, I find myself reflecting on the lessons etched into the chapters of my life—lessons about resilience, purpose, and the pursuit of wellness. Lessons learned from trials, tribulations, and failures. In the spirit of transparency and connection, I want to share with you the real story of Club Phoenix, and how it is we have arrived at this point in our journey today.

The Labyrinth of Self-Esteem and Burnout

Much of my adult life has felt like an endless chase. A chase for the next accolade, the next level of achievement, the next validation of my worth. Subconsciously, I never felt worthy of the opportunities that were granted to my much more high-achieving peers. I never felt qualified enough for the job, never deserving of the compensation. And because of this, I always felt one step behind everyone else. It was as if I were on a treadmill, running towards a horizon that perpetually moved away from me. This relentless pursuit wore me down and left me completely burned out, and to this day I still feel the wear and tear it has left on my body, mind, and relationships. 

Into Ashes - A Turning Point

It's funny how life nudges (or sometimes pushes) you towards introspection. After nearly 5 years of being in school for Ayurveda and holistic wellness, after having opened my clinic and started my practice, I felt myself yet again at another crossroads. Yet again, I found myself feeling utterly unfulfilled, lonely, and unworthy. With all the training I had done, my stellar performance in school, and experience under my belt, I was still struggling to get by. I couldn’t get my business off the ground because I didn’t feel good enough as all the other practitioners out there. I was ashamed to advertise, ashamed to even ask for compensation. I questioned my own ability to even survive: If I had worked so hard to get to where I was, why am I not successful? Why do I feel so undernourished by this path that I thought would allow me to a fulfilling life? I was compelled to sit with a sense of emptiness that felt uncomfortably vast.

But within this clearing, I discovered something potent—an opportunity to reevaluate why I did any of this in the first place. Was it for me, or was it for the silent applause I hoped echoed in the opinions of others?

I started to confront questions that I had never had the gall to entertain before: “Am I okay with forever living a life under the shadow of other people’s standards and expectations?” “If I was honest with myself, would I ever feel fulfilled by running a successful clinic, or would I forever feel like I had sacrificed my true potential to have a standard career?” The questions were terrifying, but the answers were crystal clear. The identity I had built around my achievements and capabilities seemed to crumble.

Embracing My Truth

I wish I could say that it was yoga nidra, meditation, yoga, or Ayurveda that pulled me out of my self-destructive delusion. I wish I could even say that it was my movement practice, martial arts or dance that pulled me out. But at the end of the day, the tools I had so long relied on for wellness, stability and belonging had elusively integrated into the all-encompassing narrative of not-enoughness that had imprisoned my psyche.

And that, my dear readers, is the honest truth. I cannot tell you how many self-help books I’ve read, how many yoga routines I have done, how many times I have meditated and visualized. The real inner transformation doesn’t come from doing. Your self-esteem does not come from your routines, your diet, your education. It comes from a decision – the decision to embrace the deep, raw and often unforgiving truth of who you truly are. True liberation arises from within.

Rebirth

And thus Club Phoenix was born. A collective that is committed to the raw self-honesty, reflection, and inquiry that it takes to truly thrive in body, mind and spirit. I am not here to sell you a dream, to promise you a perfect, pain-free life. It's about sharing the raw, unedited steps of my dance through life—the missteps, the leaps, and insights in between. And as I extend my hand to you, fellow traveler, know that this invitation is not a call to a program but a sharing of a path.

I'm not here to tell you that the road is easy or that I have all the answers. What I offer is a journey we can embark on together—one where we learn to value ourselves not for what we do but for who we are.

An Ongoing Conversation

As I navigate my way towards clarity and embrace the lessons of my own narrative, I invite you to join the conversation. Share with me your stories of struggle, triumph, and the moments of clarity that come when we least expect them. Let’s converse in the comments below or through a message—because, in this vast community of souls seeking wellness, your voice matters.