Valerie Beck: Rise. Renew. Reconnect. Welcome to from the Ashes, a podcast where every episode ignites hope and healing.
My guest today is Sambo Sak, a local community leader in my city, Long Beach. Sambo is a Cambodian American poet, storyteller, and educator who uses the power of words and lived experience to help people find their voice and in doing so, reclaim their identity.
Gentle content warning before we begin. This episode includes candid discussion of suicidal thoughts and experiences with mental health. If you are in a vulnerable space today, please listen with care and know that you are not alone.
Let's dive in.
Sambo Sak: Shunt the fire in the darkest night of Phoenix burns It's ready for flight Shadows may come try to tear you.
Valerie Beck: Apart but you're the flame that night all right,
Happy Saturday, everyone. It is a Saturday today, a beautiful, sunny Saturday in Southern California, and I have my guest here today, Sambo Sak. So I would like to paint a picture of just the context that we are bringing into the conversation today.
So we are in Long Beach, California, and Sambo is a community leader here. I know him because he's always at my husband's shop and my husband calls him the mayor of Sake Secret.
So I see him around. And not only that, but like we were at the farmer's market this morning, and along comes Sambo as well to enjoy some oysters at the farmer's market.
So, yeah, he is around, and people can say they're community leaders, but I could see how you are and how you show up consistently and you are just there for people.
And because of that, like, people are there for you too. And it's just been really cool because as someone who is a little bit more recluse but aspires to be more of a presence, it is.
It's. It's cool to see someone who has been able to embody this. You have friends everywhere you go, but I also have heard your story, so I know that there's an origin, there's a struggle, there's a.
There's a whole journey to where you have gotten today. So, yeah, we'll start with that. Welcome, Sambo.
Sambo Sak: Oh, thank you, Valerie. Yeah. Thank you for inviting me today. I'm excited.
Valerie Beck: Yeah, I'm excited, too. It's. It's just cool to. To connect with someone local as well. I fly around a lot.
Sambo Sak: Right.
Valerie Beck: I travel a lot, and I don't really get to connect with people locally. So it's cool to hear what you've been doing. You are part of the Cambodian American community here, too, which I.
I want to get into a little bit, but I'll let you start with your origin story. And this is more of like a question of like, how did you become a community leader?
Sambo Sak: I guess where it started,
it was around 2011, 2012.
It was a time where I was going to community college for a while. You know, I've been going to school since 2006, since then, and just really I had the original idea of being a physical education teacher.
I was involved with so many different things at that time. I was the president of the International Student Club.
And I had the opportunity because around 2011, when the tsunami hit Japan, a Japanese international student reached out to me because she found out that I was their president. She's like, could you help out raise money for Japan?
You know, I'm far away from home. I want to support in any way.
I randomly got an email with our club account of somebody in Irvine asking, hey, we got some tickets to the Grand Prix and we want Ryu to meet Takumasato, which is a Japanese IndyCar racer from Japan.
And he's doing this funds to raise money for the children of Japan that has been affected.
And I got involved, not really knowing. I've always been told I was a leader just because I like to put myself out there, even though I'm a big introvert.
And when I got that opportunity to intern,
I realized what it meant to be a leader, or at least I've been in spaces where, you know, to be a leader, you have to understand yourself.
And I've noticed, you know, I needed to get out of that space. You know, I was going for a while. I noticed a lot of my friends weren't, you know, when they got.
When they graduated from college, they weren't getting the job. Like, you know what? I want to make sure if I was meant to be a teacher, I wanted to do that.
So I just pretty much told my advisor, I'm going to leave college for a little bit and really find myself because I don't think I'm getting the resource. And so I literally just threw myself out in the community and just volunteered and just really put myself out there to a little bit more my community.
Which eventually landed to where I'm at,
which is being able to work for an organization that was doing so much work to help at that time. Cambodian high school students go to higher education.
And I just really just absorb whatever I got. Like, I just took risk and I just want to learn. Because for me, learning that, you know, being a leader is just putting yourself in what may Be uncomfortable situations and just being that role model and, you know, hoping to.
Whatever I do makes change. And that's what I've been doing for the last 10 plus years.
Valerie Beck: What does it look like to step into those roles? What sustains your energy when you're doing that, when you're going out in the world? Especially as an introvert, right. They say like introverts charge their batteries alone.
And so to be always out there.
Sambo Sak: Honestly, this is the most satisfying thing I've put myself out there.
One of the first thing I got involved in was this theater workshop. And I was always into storytelling. For some reason, ever since I was little, I was always in like thinking of different stories.
And I was able to learn this specific activity, which is we were paired in different groups and each group had a role or an activity like, you know, create a specific scene and then tell that story from the past, present and future.
So I think my group at that time was assigned to talk about the past in the Cambodian community in Long Beach. And I shared, you know, growing up in the 90s, you know, I wasn't really allowed to go outside because there's a lot of gang violence that was going on.
A lot of Cambodians were in gangs. We had different racial tensions. And so me sharing that story really got a lot of the youngers talk about the present because it was the same thing.
And then eventually the future, what they want to do was, you know, we want us to go to higher education,
we want to graduate college and come back into the community.
And then when I started getting that role to like, oh, hey, Samuel, can you start taking over these workshops? And so I just started just testing things out with poetry and stuff and these things that I wasn't really even into or like noticing that I was good at.
But I just use it because for some reason I felt the universe was telling me, like, use poetry to get these young men to talk.
And just like myself, you know, being very quiet, I got a lot of these young men over time to really share their stories. And through sharing their stories, they learn about the similar similarities and differences naturally, organically.
What they said is like, you know what? I really appreciate being in this youth program because I feel a brotherhood, I feel supported. And moments like those is what keeps me going because I, even though I didn't get the training on other stuff, doing little things that I saw that work and just like testing it out with,
you know, like those young men and seeing like how positive the outcome came, I was like, you know, let me just Keep on doing this. Because what I learned through time is just sometimes you don't have to know all the answers, but if you're passionate about it and you put in the work and people will understand and see that stuff like magic,
stuff like that will happen. That's why I just keep going. Because, like, those moments, like, that keeps me.
Keeps me going.
Valerie Beck: Okay, so you said something about the universe telling you that to use poetry to get the youth to talk. I gotta. I gotta ask you about that.
How did you start to listen to that voice?
Sambo Sak: This goes back to. I know I shared you a podcast a while back. When I was in high school, I had a really, really dark time where I did attempted suicide.
And what got me to really see life differently was that attempt when I was really, like, you know, in that moment, ready to just commit to it, there was a moment of silence, and I felt.
No. I heard a voice. The voice, though, was myself.
I felt it was. Though the voice was myself. I felt like it wasn't me. It was using my voice as a way to.
To give me strength to continue on where the voice was just saying, hey, I know you're going through a hard time,
but you're meant to be something more.
And the reason why I wasn't so scared when I heard that is because growing up in a Cambodian household,
part of our culture, we always talk about spirits. And so for me, I felt like that was the reason why I was able to be okay with it. Whereas other folks may just like, oh, this is strange for me.
I was like. I felt like that was me reaching deeper in. And whether it's the universe or my ancestors, I felt like I had another support that I needed at that time to just, you know, wake up the next day and really just see what I can do to really not,
like, be in that situation again. And that's. That's how it started.
Valerie Beck: Yeah,
I recently listened to that podcast, and so it's very fresh in my mind. And I know that people here don't know you very well, so I want to use some of that because I think it's really important to see the struggle behind the success.
And it's really hard sometimes when we are struggling ourselves and we want to do better, to see that it's possible for ourselves.
When I heard you say something about you or the universe or whatever, it was telling you that if you stick around, you will find your purpose and it will come to you.
It's a very hopeful message. That message came from within you.
Sambo Sak: Right.
Valerie Beck: Like, and I I want to hear about why is purpose so important for you? Like, how did that become the saving. The saving grace, or.
Sambo Sak: Yeah,
yeah. I mean, yeah, when you. You mentioned, like, purpose, I don't know. It just gave me a goal in life. Just like, I just threw myself out there since then and just started, like, the first thing I saw right after the.
The. The night that I attempted suicide.
It was strange. When I went to school,
I was more present.
I was more aware of my environments. I just looked out and I started to notice what I was struggling by myself was, like, trying to fit in. I noticed everybody else was doing that as well, and I dug deeper into that is.
Everybody was trying to be something that other people accept. While the whole time, which was part of my struggle was I was always trying to be myself. I was always accepting of everybody with a background.
But a lot of people at that time were teasing me because I was different. You know, I grow. Growing up in Long Beach. Everybody loves hip hop, you know, everybody knows Snoop Dogg.
Whereas for me, I got into rock and roll because my parents listened to Cambodian rock and roll when they were younger. So for me, it was like. That was like home.
And so when I started to listen to my music, I always gravitated towards rock music.
And I was just also really easy target. And then, so for me, after that, I started seeing. I was like, you know what? Let me just be more myself. And as I became more myself at that time, I just started to like, all right, I think this is what I want to do.
And then I guess another time where, like, I really started to notice purpose. When I was. When I took a summer class after high school and my first year of college, there was the book the Alchemists.
Valerie Beck: Oh, my God.
Sambo Sak: Yeah. So that was the book that really, I think, has always been something I looked at.
I don't remember the character, but I remember reading it where the main character, he was told that he was going to find a treasure in Egypt or whatnot. And I don't know, it just, like, it kind of hit me, and I was just like.
What I learned out of is like, you know, though he met God or whatever the individual was, he was so focused on that. But then through the book, he had so many great moments, and, I don't know, I just resonated with that.
And so that's how I wanted to live life. He's like, you know what? Based on that, you know, my situation in high school, I was like, I think I want to live my life like that.
Where my Purpose is bigger. And then right out of high school, I was like, you know what? I want to really help the next generation. So I just went with that and whatever the world threw at me.
And so what I originally wanted to do was become a PE teacher, but what the world had directed me to was being a youth organizer, community health worker for a youth program.
So I was doing the teaching. And then through that I learned about, you know, the challenges if I was to be a teacher, because I got to interact with a lot of, you know, teachers from high school.
And I realized, like, oh, I don't want to be a teacher anymore because the system is not. What I want to do is make big change. And the system to be a teacher is going to limit what I want to do, which is using art and poetry and other stuff that I have the opportunity in my field to explore and create.
And so for me, like, I believe that the world through is like, you're a creative person,
will take you to what you want to do and just let it happen. That's how I navigate life is just really like,
have a. Just let the world just take me where it goes. And honestly, like, the more I listen to and become present, I got more of that and a lot of work being done.
So, yeah, that's how I started that really, that book, the Alchemist, got me to where I'm at. I still,
I still follow that.
Valerie Beck: Yeah. This is the second time in 24 hours that book has come up for me. It is one of my all time favorite books. I also consider it to be my first spiritual book.
And I've read it multiple times in my lifetime and have gotten different lessons each time. And I probably will go back again and get more lessons as I grow as a person.
And.
And then there's something really profound about listening,
listening to intuition and also allowing yourself to learn through the mistakes and keep going in spite of the,
the setbacks, I think.
Sambo Sak: Yes, yes, I. When you're saying that I've paid attention to that more in the recent months before,
I would always just try to like be perfect because that's what society around me has told me to just do great. What I've learned better now, most recently, just learning from my mistakes.
Sometimes it's just really like not always winning all these battles. Like, you know what, I'm just going to learn. I'm going to like, feel I'll be vulnerable and like, when I'm getting called out, even though that's not what I really meant, like, okay, like, you know, like Let me listen to what I may have said and just continue working on myself.
And that to me is just like, I take every moment where it's uncomfortable. I mean, but through a lot of my moments in my life that I recall is like, I put myself in these positions and it got me to where I'm at.
So, yeah, like, I've just learned to be more comfortable being uncomfortable a lot lately.
Valerie Beck: Yes, definitely.
I've been. I myself have been very uncomfortable lately. And it's trying to figure out also, like, how do I.
How do I keep myself going? Because I. I struggle with negative self talk. I have for a long time and have dug myself out of a hole multiple times. And I actually, last night actually made myself.
I'm going to show you. I made myself a little collage. It's on my wall. And it's of people who have written me notes of the impact that I've had. Or like, just positive stuff.
Yeah. How do you, how do you deal with negative self talk?
Sambo Sak: You know,
it's. It's very interesting because when you asked me about being on this podcast and then the next day, literally someone asked me to be interviewed for maybe a community leader, you said synchronicity.
And then I just looked it up because, you know, I always hear a lot of different stuff, but I just go with it for some reason. But then, like, that day I was like, you know, let me look it up.
And then Carl Young popped up,
and then I started looking up more on YouTube on what he did, and he did shadow work.
And for me, it was finally the time for me to understand more about shadow work, because I've always heard it over the years, even during the pandemic when I was running folks, I.
I always heard about it. And then finally, like, looking into it. A lot of his shadow work, I've been just dealing with shadow work now, you know, it's just that other self that is trying to work with me and I'm just like, used to comfortable, but now it's me talking to the shadow.
Like, what am I?
What are you? What are. How can we work together? And from that I just started to, like, unlike, unravel a lot of things that, like, I now want to work with.
Like, you know, one of the things is, like, I've always didn't see myself as a storyteller poetry.
And now this year I'm gonna do that because really, a lot of the work that I've been doing is through journaling, through writing.
A lot of things that I write that I've shared with folks, they're like, wow, this is really impressive.
Like, I really understand you. It's like I'm having a conversation because for me it was like, when I write poetry or if you write, it's like my thing, my intention is like I'm having a conversation with you.
It's nothing very showcasey. It's just like I'm here to have a conversation. Like, you know, it's as if I. Because I did a lot of moments where I don't really get a chance to put my thought through because a lot of people tend to just like, tell me what it is like I should like be saying or what they already have this idea of like,
I think this is what you're trying to say. But I don't really get to finish my thoughts. So a lot of the poetry I write are these unfinished conversations I've had that I wish I could share with people.
And that to me, through writing, through poetry, I'm able to really work through things that I'm trying to say that I don't really get the opportunity.
Valerie Beck: Definitely hear you about the shadow work.
It's actually something that I've been working on with my coaching group. We're doing it together. It's a project that we're actually doing in the next two months is a lot of shadow work and it has to do with breaking through creativity blocks.
So a lot of the time. And I've realized because I am an artist too, I've always loved dance, music, all of this stuff, and have had periods of creative burnout as well.
And that can be really hard to. To get through, especially if it's your medium for communication, for self expression. Right.
So I kind of want to go back to the like all the way back. Let's go back to that conversation of like in high school and you went back to school and you started to see people in a different way and like how everyone's trying to fit in and all of that.
I actually, I want to hear how life started to shift and manifest for you after that moment because of the, the way that your perspective had changed. Did the people start to like act differently or what was it about it that started to shift things in your environment?
Sambo Sak: I guess first I started to really change my appearance to what I believed I was into. So before emo music was like named emo music, I started to really get music recommendation with folks that were saying sharing like bands just like Atrey, such as Frill.
And I started to listen to his music. So for me, listening to those music,
hearing men talk about challenges in relationships and struggle with life, I felt like that was the first step because for me, I felt like what I was going through, I was listening to someone else that's going through it another way.
And that's when I started changing my appearance. And then I started seeing individual with these certain hairstyles.
Davey from AFI had these long bangs, and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna grow out the bangs. And so I did the bangs. But then I also like, you know,
anime such as Dragon Ball Z and such. Everybody's spiking their hair. I'm like, you know what? I wanna spike my hair as well. And so I started spiking my hair.
But then, like, I had, like, grew up my hair. And so I started creating my own fashion where, like, I had the Dragon Ball Z Vegeta hairstyle. But I had a really long bang by the time I hit junior year.
And I was like, you know what? I'm not going to let this be a bang. So I spiked it up and I became a unicorn. So these little things, I started getting an identity and people were acknowledging me on that.
But also, this hair was kind of also, like, very scary for some folks. So the teasing and such stopped because people were so afraid.
And that was kind of like my protective bubble, because all the teasing and such, they were just like, that's strange.
And then a lot of my teachers,
especially my. I think it was my 3D art class or something. I forgot it was one art class where my teacher was like, I. I am very, very inspired by your way of being authentic.
Because I'm dressed this way where easily people get picked on. And though I had this really rebellious look, I did really well in school. So that really gave the teacher, like, I was called out and I was like, you know, those sambo has this really unique look because they had moments where people tease it.
Like, he's a really good student. He's being authentic to himself. And so I think really it's the support of the adults and teachers around me that were saying, though he may look different.
And a lot of society says, this is like a bad person, he's a really good student. And that just kept me just going. You know, I was having that support.
And eventually,
you know, you know, me and my friends bonded in other things, but really just me being more myself, I got the support from, you know, adults.
Valerie Beck: So the idea of being authentic, I think I really stand by that. Like, I think it's so important I think that it's. There are a few kind of pillars of what I think universally would make us happier people and for us to flourish as individuals and to reach our potential.
And one of them is to live authentically.
What does it mean to you to live authentically? And then also like, how important do you feel like it is for other people to do so?
Sambo Sak: To me, the importance of being authentic is being able to be comfortable in my own skin, no matter where I'm at. Going to school as a communication study major, one of the things I learned was, you know, doing presentations, knowing your audience.
So it's still being myself, but knowing the environment I'm in. So if I am in a certain environment that people may be more conservative that are not used to this,
I'm not going to be my super bubbly self talking about, like spirits and all this other stuff. I'm going to be more like, you know, present. So I'm just like, okay, you know, like, I'm going to still be my happy, bubbly self.
I'm going to respect and just really my being an introvert,
I love listening. So for a lot of times I listen to before I even speak sometimes. So when I know the space is more allowing me to be myself, I am more open to talking myself.
But for me, if I'm not used to the area, I let the area speak for itself and then I find out how to navigate and then go into how that helps other folks is when I am around a lot of situ, like environments, I feel like a lot of people are not comfortable what there are like,
they're always,
you know, like. Well, the good thing is where some folks, like, you know, I don't know how to engage. I was like, you know, just, just, you know, ask, you know, hey, you know, this is where I'm coming from.
This is how I communicate.
I feel like a lot of people are just like so scared that people may not,
you know, appreciate them for who they are. And I think for us it's just, at least for me, it's like I just learned to just know or pay attention to the environment.
I think if people are able to just be okay. I mean, going back to what you were saying, like being okay with learning in uncomfortable situations. I've had a lot of moments where I said a lot of bad things because I didn't.
I didn't know better.
I've had moments where I dress a certain way not knowing it and I learned through it. So. But I've had a lot of people that have been in that situation and would pull me to the side like, hey, I love you.
I just want to let you know about this situation so I can better prepare myself in these other situations.
So,
yeah, I mean, I. I'm really aware. I always try to my best to, like,
before I go out, I always try to see, like, where am I going and how should I dress?
You know? Yeah. So it's like. It's not just like, I'm gonna just be myself. I mean, I know my younger self was like that. I was like, I'm just gonna be myself.
But now as I've gotten older,
I have a lot of respect with people and a lot of backgrounds.
So I try to still be myself, but also be professional.
You know, like, there's a time and place for things and just me, like, knowing that. And that's why compared to my younger self, especially in my 20s, I would just throw myself everywhere I choose to where I go now, before I'm more intentional, I just don't just, like, go out and,
like, just put myself. I'm more intention in the spaces I'm at anymore. So now that I know it. But when I do go in places I don't know, I do my best to do a little bit research before just, like,
showing up my authentic self that some people may not be ready for.
Valerie Beck: Okay, so you're saying something very interesting because authenticity, Right. Versus blending in.
Sambo Sak: Right.
Valerie Beck: And then also just like, kind of being able to just show up where you are and be comfortable with yourself.
So you're touching upon a lot of different points that I think people do struggle with is like, how do I show up and be myself, but also fit in.
Sambo Sak: Right.
Valerie Beck: Cause fitting in is so important to people.
And I think, at least for me, there's a balance. And again,
you know, I had a point in time where I had severe social anxiety.
And so, like, it felt. Sometimes I felt like the expectations were against me.
Right. And I took it personally. And that prevented me from showing up to spaces because I didn't feel welcome.
So what can you relate to that? And then how.
How would you advise that someone navigate something like that? Right. Because it is like, we do need to adapt and we do need to be aware, but we also shouldn't allow for our perspective, perceived expectations from being out there in the world because we're afraid of.
Of the repercussions or whatever.
Yeah.
Sambo Sak: One thing that has helped me a lot over the years, that I.
The reason. So one of the reasons why I just naturally just make a lot of friends is slowly through all. It's kind of like networking. It's just like when people think.
Like, for me, when I originally thought about networking, it's meeting people and having at the end, like, we're going to like, be, you know,
connected in business. But really like, what I learned with networking is just continue talking to people and eventually talking to those people. I find someone that's very similar to myself.
So it's been a lot where it took me a while to find my community or my type of people. And those people that I found that can, though they may not 100% understand me, because that's what I learned with life is like, it's always trying to have someone to understand you 100%,
but that's not gonna happen. But for someone to actually to be able to listen,
especially when I'm having like a really rough day, rough time, rough week, and I just tell them, like, I just want you to listen to me. It's like, I will find all the answers, but I just really need someone to hear me.
I want to be seen. I want to be heard.
And just being vulnerable and saying that has given me people just to give me a lot of spaces. So for me, it's like, sometimes, like, writing doesn't help me out, Sometimes working out doesn't help me out.
But that human connection and being just seen and just having that time to just let out so many things that I'm going through and just be like, thank you for listening to me.
And through that talk, I just learned to find the answers on my own. And that to me is like, one of my advice is, like,
try to find that community. I mean, there is going to be a lot of trial and error of like, different spaces. But continuing on, it's like, you know, like, for example, for me with martial arts, I'm like, I like, no matter.
Like, I've been to so many areas where it's like, very toxic, where, like, you got to be a man, you got to be. You got to be like this. I'm like, that's not me.
Like, I love working out because for me it's kind of like meditation where, like, I just have to focus on, like, these different things I gotta do. I don't have to think about the world and continue on doing that.
So that's why, like, I've been in different gyms, different academies, and just to find my space. And then eventually with this running group that, you know, your husband a part of, I've been able to create that because for Me, I was like, this is the space.
I want others to know. Like, we're here to just listen to you. You know, you all have the answers and there's people. And also telling folks, too. It's like, you know, letting people listen and having them find their own answer.
Because I don't want to give people the wrong answers. That's something I've learned, you know, growing up, it's just always being taught to, like, you always got a. When problem or issue someone brings up, you have to help them find a solution.
What I've learned now, going back to the Optimist book,
everybody has the treasures within themselves,
and sometimes we just need to just listen to them and repeat certain things. Like what you're doing with this podcast, like, tell me more about this. And just letting all that.
Because there's certain things, some things that people repeat, and you're like, hey, why you keep on bringing that up? And, yeah, hopefully that answers a little bit. I know I went a little all over the place, but for me, like, what really helped is just trying to find my people,
and it's not. And it takes a while. You know, some people find it easier. For me, Like, I be honest with you,
it's been about almost 10, 15 years, and I am right now, like, finding that community that sees me. And then when you see it and be around it, there's so much energy comes out that,
you know, they're looking for, you know, and I think that's what it is. Like, it's like digging for a treasure. You go with the algorithm. It's like, you know, digging for that treasure, it takes a while, but once you find it, oh, my gosh, it's just overwhelming.
But then also, yeah, I was like, finding those different spaces, and you don't just stick to one. And that's what I learned. It's like not sticking to one. So I do martial arts,
I run, I ride.
Just throw myself in different areas and, like, always coming in with the open mindset.
Valerie Beck: Thank you for sharing that.
It's really helpful also to hear, like, it's taken a while to find your people.
I think what I want to dig a little bit deeper into is, like, well, what was the process of that? Like? Did you ever find yourself getting frustrated or did you ever, you know, what struggles do you have to overcome in order to get to where you are?
Sambo Sak: I've had a lot of struggles. A lot of other folks have always told me what I should be, what I should conform into, and I've always tried, like, for example, I was young, like, you know, as a teenage relationship, you know, everybody's like, you know, those that have multiple relationships.
I was like, you should do this, you do that.
I've struggled always having to listen to other folks because I trusted them. And for me to get out of that was so hard because every time I try to attempt it to be more myself say, no, that's not right.
You know. You know, I've dealt with that with my parents at a young age. You know, my parents said that teacher said, a lot of my friends are like. But they never really listened to what I was doing.
Like, for me, for example, with my hair, like, I. For a long time, that was my identity. And a lot of folks like, you're gonna have to cut your hair one day.
You know, you can't be like that all the time. I'm like, I know that, like, I'm gonna be a PE teacher one day and I have to cut my hair.
You know, like, unless the world changes. And like, allow, like, you know, teachers to be creative and have colorful hair and hats. A lot more teachers seem to have tattoos.
I know that is gonna something that I have to do, but let me be able to express myself. So a lot of times this is like a lot of things before, like my, you know, friends that they didn't like, I do it, I walked away from a lot of situations.
You know, people are like, I've had a lot of moments where people say, no, you gotta stick around. Like, one of the earliest ones was,
you know, when I went to college, was the first time I actually was able to go out. You know, I was able to go and hang out. And I've had a lot of situation where, like, my friends, like, we gotta do this every Friday.
You guys stick around. And one day I wasn't feeling. I was like, I'm leaving. And they're like, well, we're all right. I'm like, I don't care. Like, you know, I'm like, I'm gonna walk home.
And they're like, you're not gonna do that. So this was somewhere like, close to El Dorado. And I literally just walked home from there.
And I'm so used to that, you know, for me, it was like, if I'm not feeling, I walk in. Like, I've gotten like a lot of, you know, negative feedback.
Like, why'd you do that? Why don't you stick around? I was like, if I don't feel belong, I'm not going to stick around. And I've Done that more comfortable years.
You know, I've. I've done more. I've been more saying, like, you know what? I'm going to go home asleep. I find ways where, like, I don't have to make it seem so, like, I really don't like you guys, but I'll just be like, you know,
I'm not feeling it today, so I'm going to go home. Or, you know what? I enjoy the time here with you all. I think I've had enough, so I'm gonna just, you know, hang out.
So I've learned to step out a lot, and it is not always well received.
But in the end, what I've learned,
especially the more that I've learned about leaders, like, sometimes you have to really be selfish and do things that's right for you.
It's not like I physically harm them. I know it may be an emotional harm, but you also have to take care of yourself. And sometimes, like, what I learn over the years,
not everybody's meant to be in your life. I know it's really tough to hear because I know best friends, close friends, family, you know, we always have, like, you gotta stick through everything.
But what I've learned, especially living in my situation with my family,
you know, it's just me, my siblings and my parents, so we didn't have really relatives. So I had to make up, like, my outside circle of family, my cousins and extended families.
And I learned that, you know,
some people are just meant to be there for a certain time. And it's tough for some people take because they see, it's like once they make a good friend, like, you're here for the rest of life.
And I. It's a tough thing for me to say for a lot of people, I was like, I want that too.
But the time we have to split, it has to be. And for me, what keeps me okay with is growing up Buddhist and reading the Buddhist from Thich Nhat Tong.
It's learning to detach. You know, I think that's one of the things that I've learned as a Buddhist is learning to detach.
Learning that, you know, you could still tell people, you know, you like what I got detached.
You know, I got to take care of myself. And like me, learning to detach has really helped me out a lot because I want to find my community. I want to find people that see me, hear me, and knowing that, you know, I think now, like, at my age,
a lot of people are understanding of that, at least the friends that are close to Me, where I was like, we miss each other, we're going to hang out with each other and for those that are not like that, they're going to be who they are.
Valerie Beck: You know, you brought up something that I really resonate with. A lot of what you say really resonates with, but this idea of setting boundaries. I don't know if this is the case for you, but for me, like one of the hardest things to ever do was to start listening to myself over my elders.
Oh my gosh. Because we're not taught, especially in Chinese culture, this is not something that we are taught to do. Right. It's for me it's always been about like respecting your parents wishes and like listening to teachers and because the teachers know what's best for you and all of that.
And after, you know, I'm already late 30s, I didn't learn how to listen to myself until very recently over my elders. And even saying that sounds almost blasphemous.
So.
Right. But I, I think I realized if I don't do that, I am going to be stuck living somebody else's life. All the.
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Is it similar in your cultural background?
Sambo Sak: Yeah, very similar. So yeah, when you say in the Cambodian culture we have, you know, even the way that we respond to folks so we, we will say like auntie, brother.
And so like having that, it's like me calling someone mom, like older brother, older sister, technically, like they have, I have to listen to them. And so growing up with that, I had to deal with that a lot.
You know, especially like my parents will listen to a lot of the other adults around them or like how to treat their kids. And yeah, they would say a lot of nasty things about look specifically for me because when I started becoming more Americanized and wearing things that I want to wear,
like their parents, like your kids shouldn't be like that. Especially like my dad would tell us, like, hey, they always tell me you have to wear like white shirts collar, you have to like speak this certain way, you gotta look this way.
I was like, don't you want a wife one day And I was like, sure. I want if the world. If that's what I meant for, but I don't want to be someone else.
And then, like, yeah, for me, it's like, it doesn't resonate with me. And I'm like, I'm on two is like, it's like, me being an American, I was like, they don't understand American culture.
And, like, they're not even listening. And I'm like, I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do.
I don't know. I was just very rebellious when I was young.
And trust me, I always wanted the respect of the elders. But for me, it was like,
I just took all of the hits. And they're like, just hoping every. Like, I'm like, hopefully, it's all worth it. And honestly, to tell the truth, it's me and my work right now, which is 10 years.
Like, the elders respect me now because a lot of things I did before, they were just like, you got to be this. To continue our culture. But something that I've, you know, slowly built that just, like, supporting small businesses of Cambodian friends that were able to, like, wow, like,
they're. Now we're listening to me. So a lot of it was just, like, having to bite through it. For me, it's like, I always want the respect of elders and stuff, but I learned at a young age is they're not.
They're gonna. They're gonna say what they're gonna say. And. And for us, it's just like, once as an adult, it's like, I have more freedom. I could choose to be around this situation or I can leave.
Because as a child, like, I learned, like, I just gotta deal with it. But when it came, I was like, that's cool. Bye. I'm out. I mean, it's. I luckily, like, my family wasn't so out in the community, so it was just a small pocket of elders that would see me like that.
So when I started working with Community, yeah, definitely, I was. I was more like, all right, I gotta. Like, how. How do I navigate this? But eventually, over time, like, I'm here where I'm at, where all my rebellions came through.
But, yeah, just. It's tough. I mean, I'm not saying it's easy.
I'm pretty sure folks that are around our age have that similarities, because that's where I felt like was all worth it. Because when I started meeting with people that are around my age that were really trying to continue on and keep our history alive, they all had the Same feeling.
So for us, it's like a lot of times we meet, we're sharing that similar experience. So it's like a breath of fresh air. It's like, you went through that. Oh, my God, I'm here for you.
So it's really. It's really that. I mean, it takes a while. Like, you know, going back record, it takes a while, but eventually people that you're meant to be with will come to you and know you don't even say too much.
And automatically it's like, you know, I don't have to say a few words and like, I relate to you.
That's it. And that's. So that's where it is, where in my life where I was like, I don't have to talk too much sometimes. Sometimes I'm just in a space where, like, they have similar experience.
So, like, I don't have to go too deep into it because sometimes it's, It's. It's very uncomfortable. You know, even though I share this, I'm being vulnerable sometimes. I don't even talk about it.
I just want, like, I just want them. I just want to be like, you know, I went through something. Like, we don't need to continue going it. We don't need to talk about it.
Valerie Beck: Can we dig a little bit more into Cambodian culture and history and how that has shaped your journey? Because I actually know. I mean, I've. I heard your podcast and, you know, I've heard other friends talk about it too, but I don't think a lot of people understand,
like, what, what it's like because, like, in the. The larger dialogue of Asian American, like, we hear all about the Chinese American culture, Korean American culture, whatever, but the fact that your parents generation are refugees, like, really shapes the narrative,
right?
Sambo Sak: Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. So I am still also studying, like, the history as well. But from my. This is from,
you know,
reading, learning.
I know from before what happened in 1975.
The King,
King Sihanou had a lot of Cambodian artists go around the world and really absorb different arts and bring it back to Cambodia, kind of like a renaissance.
And one of it was rock and roll. So if you ever listen to rock and rolls in the 60s, it sounds very similar. Rock and roll then and after,
you know, Cambodia was becoming more Westernized. And from one of my understanding is, like, there was a part of the group that felt like, because, you know, all the bombings that were happening, it was happening on the jungle side, and these were like a lot of the poor folks and they felt like,
you know, they were being targeted and that became the downfall. And that's what happened where, you know, the communist regime, My rouge is like, this is, like, this is the reason why we're getting bombed.
So you got to come together and I can help, like, get out, you know,
all these parties and that inside, he was actually removing all Western culture and putting everybody to year zero,
forcing everybody, farmers.
And once my parents, you know, lived through the experience and then went to the refugee camps. What I've learned this. I don't think a lot of people share this part.
My parents didn't have the love story like other folks. My parents were trying to come to America or just trying to survive. And what they were told is, like, the way to get out of this country is you have to find a partner.
And growing up, my mom would always say, it's like, man, why did I choose you as a husband? Why? People keep on telling me, my mom randomly selected my dad to be a partner and the way to come to this country,
they had to have a child or a family.
And so when my parents were in the refugee camp, you know, my sister was born.
And through that,
they had qualifications to come to America. And they got sponsored to Phoenix, Arizona in the mid-80s. I was born in Phoenix, Arizona, in 88 and living there. You know, there was a small Cambodian community because a lot of Cambodians were sponsored throughout the world.
Phoenix, Arizona was one of them. Lowell, Mass. Was another.
Long Beach, California was another.
And it was tough living in Arizona because there wasn't a big Cambodian community. And a lot of people were telling me, go to Long Beach. That has a really big population.
So in.
In the 90s, like early 1990. Yeah, early 1990,
my parents packed their bags. We moved with some families that we lived by, and we all shared a house where I had three families. My parents got one room that had me, my sister,
my parents, and eventually my brother. So we had one room and then other families were around there. And yeah, we just live in the same house, sharing and just living life.
And then we moved. Eventually we moved out. And then I remember in elementary, this is something that I learned early on of how dangerous the environment was. You know, you always hear the gang violence that was happening.
I remember being so innocent, walking to kindergarten, and I would see these pictures of these young men on the street, and I was like, oh, wow, look, they're celebrating these young men.
And within a week, my parents told me, like, those kids lost their life. Because in the 90s, there's a lot of drive bys.
And then at the same time in kindergarten when I was in school and my mom was at work, my, my dad was taking care of my brothers and we got robbed by a local Cambodian gang.
Because one of the things that they did, Cambodians noticed that the youngsters know that their parents and other Cambodians have expensive jewelry. Because during the time in Cambodia for a lot of folks came to the camp, you know,
everybody was forced into the different,
what is considered like I guess concentration camps or camps that they had to be in. Oh, actually what I skipped was.
So my name is Sambo.
Many Cambodians have names for different reasons. Some were named because the date or the day they were born.
Others were named for like hopes of being rich or such. So my parents, my parents didn't name me when they got, when we got sponsored.
Somebody was helping them at a time and my parents told them to name me Sambo. So Sambo means abundance.
And last name Sat. It's usually, I think there was a general with the name Sat. So it's very important. But also sat can mean ink or tattoo.
And so you can say my name means abundance of tattoo. Which if you've seen me, I have a lot of tattoos. But that wasn't because I chose to do it.
But for me, when I learned that, I was very excited. But before I learned, I mean, I know I'm jumping all over the place because I do want to share the importance of my name.
Because when I was in college,
my interpersonal communication class, I had the assignment. I was like, hey,
everybody researched your name, their background. And this was back when Google barely had a bunch of search engines to search your name and whatnot.
When I typed in Sambo or I typed in Sambo,
Sambo came out. And I found out like it was a derogatory term for, you know, African American, black. I'm like, what? I didn't know about this at all.
And I, and I was like, I was like, this can't be it. You know, I, this, this can't be the reason why my parents name. Because throughout my whole life I was like, why didn't I know this?
But as I continue searching on a really interesting site, which is, what is it?
Urban Dictionary.
Valerie Beck: Yeah.
Sambo Sak: Which you know, at the time a lot of folks, you know, would be able to edit some Cambodian out there. Maybe Cambodian or not at least understand the Cambodian culture.
Sambo, Abundance and many. And throughout my whole life, I always knew the word, but I didn't say because my parents didn't tell me my American teachers didn't tell me. And so the whole time I was saying Sambo and I was always weirded out, especially in my history class,
to why my teachers would call me Sam. You know, I thought I was like, all right, I'm being Americanized, you know, so Sam is a cool name.
Not knowing that they call me Sam because Sambo is that negative word.
And when I found out, like, especially when I got into the work of arts, it's like being true to yourself.
And in my work, you know, involves a little bit of social justice. I've had a lot of, you know, black social justice activists come up to me rather than,
hey, welcome, you know, I'm glad you're in space. The first thing they would say is like your name. You know, it's always uncomfortable. I'm like,
but it taught me, I guess that's really like how I taught to be really uncomfortable was being able to share the history of my name. I was like, do you know about the Cambodian history?
And they're like, no. I was like, well, my name doesn't mean that. It actually means this.
And we got an opportunity to really talk about Long beach and such. And so for me, it was like being able to share the story of my people,
which is often not told,
and not having the opportunity, especially living in Long beach, you know, the one thing that I had always a lot of challenge that I've also that I put in a lot of work is telling the story of our folks.
And my experience is though we live in Long beach,
we don't really talk about the Cambodian history beyond the genocide and beyond that. And for me it was like I share the story of living as a Cambodian American mystery.
My situation, you know, and that's opened me to really like learn my history here and there. So I know I went all over the place. So if you have any follow up questions, feel free to share.
But I want to share the importance of my name because I feel like a lot of Cambodians, like at least during my time, a lot of the kids name were meant for like having a brighter future because the time that they went through from 1975, 1979, was the darkest period in their life where they saw history being erased in front of them and not by people from different race.
It was their own, our own folks, fellow Cambodians doing it.
And so they were so fearful that like a generation myself that doesn't speak Khmer, which Khmer is how we say, the Cambodian language in our culture,
all the history is going to be lost because they Couldn't be able to transfer that information because all they know how to do. Speaking Khmer and me, I only know English.
However, you know, going back to being authentic, me loving to share people's story, I was like, we're gonna find those folks. Because going back to like talking about gems, like everybody has a specific gem.
And a lot of Cambodians that over time I learned and talk like they have so many artifacts that's needing a space to belong. And so for me, it's like I'm very hopeful because I just throw myself so much out in the community where I see the abundance of treasure that some people are searching for,
but they can't see because they don't know the map to.
Valerie Beck: Hmm,
that's really.
That's really well said. I think everyone does have the A gem, right? Their unique potential.
You touched upon this because of the history and you've talked about this previously about generational trauma.
I think one of the positive things that have come out of recent years of American culture is awareness of intergenerational trauma. And I think because especially within immigrant communities,
because what happens, like you said, is that our generation tends to not be able to speak the language. And so we can't really communicate with our elders the way that we would want to.
And I think the generation above us,
you know, really tried to, in a way, keep us safe from the. The wounds of the past. But what probably got lost in all of this is that when you don't talk about the wounds, they fester in different ways, right?
Physically,
mentally, behaviorally. And so instead of being digested or transmuted, the. The unconscious patterns get carried down into dysfunctional behaviors and diseases in the younger generation. So I think that's really important.
You know, with that being said, like what. What do you see has been something that. Like a. A wound that's carried over that hasn't been process in your community.
Sambo Sak: A lot of it is anxiety,
a wound of healing from trauma.
Because I think the one thing is identity.
I think a lot of,
you know, the younger generation struggle with identity because the parents are not able to say where they're coming from because they haven't processed what they've seen and dealt with. And they're just hoping the younger generation can read them non verbally because it hurts them to speak about it, the pain of what they've seen.
And so that.
That wound of like, identity,
that's how I. That's. Well, you're saying that like, it's the identity. You know,
it's a. It's it's hard for a lot of folks to really see themselves because, like, if I am not Cambodian enough, if I'm not American enough, what am I? Because I'm part of something.
To belong.
Yeah. I don't know. Just. It just made me think of my dad because for me, it's like my dad. My dad's PTSD made it really hard for. For those. I don't know what PTSD is.
Post Traumatic stress syndrome. My dad,
I could never really know who he was because he saw so much stuff.
Having a actual conversation with him never existed. There were maybe like two minutes. But then the PTSD of him seeing the war,
certain moments, you don't understand happiness. And it made me. It made me challenge. It challenged. It was hard for me because, you know, growing up, you always hear about the.
What a father should be like. I felt like though my dad was physically there, my dad wasn't there because he couldn't engage with me as what a son like myself needed.
And luckily,
I guess for me, I learned early on to forgive my dad because I can't imagine what he's going through. I want all of this. And realizing he didn't really get to live a life as an adult.
You know, he saw his teenage years,
he lived through that, and then he just had to be on survivor mode until the end of his life.
Here I am. You know, I was like being grateful or, you know, having gratitude, you know,
though I didn't get to experience the.
The father I wanted,
I was appreciated for him. Showing me what not just him, but a whole community of elders and seniors gone through.
And for me, being able to share my experience, to connect other folks were like,
I've gone through this, but finding father figures in other ways where I,
you know, can still live life, you know, I think for me, it is not.
I've learned to live life in other things that I needed because sometimes what's in front of you,
I don't know. I don't know what to get into. But just feeling like just, you know, my dad, I think what he went through. Oh, made me a better person.
Valerie Beck: So saying that you're kind, you're here, you're here to give back to your community.
Right. And you're doing so much of this work and we're kind of, kind of wrap up this conversation with this question is like,
how do you keep your cup full so that you're giving from a place of abundance and generosity?
Because I think that's necessary too, in order for us at all to Continue giving is this, like, feeling that we aren't depleting ourselves? We aren't. We aren't.
Yeah. We're not sacrificing, per se.
Sambo Sak: What comes to mind early on in my work, in community work,
learning to play,
learning to find places of play where I get to enjoy life. You know,
life isn't easy, but being able to play, get to, like, reconnect with my inner child and just, like, do things like playing video games,
going out to eat and laughing.
It's just being able to play that keeps my cup full. It keeps me going. Because if I'm allowed to disconnect because whatever needs to be worked on is going to be there,
it's. It's not going to leave. Like, you know, a lot of things I have to deal with, it's going to always be there. But it's learning the balance of play and working.
You know, there's a saying, you know, you work hard to play hard. And that's what I've learned to a lot in my work, is to be better, to play in my work.
So I don't feel burned out because I've had the moment, you know. Right, right,
right in the moment. Pandemic. I had the burnout. I had so much love to give,
and it was to the point I was like, exhausted because I did so much and I wasn't receiving what I thought I could and coming back and I just felt like, was it all worth it?
You know?
But then situations happen that made me really be happy and grateful. Where I'm at, where I was like,
no, I'm doing the right thing. And it's like, you're not playing enough. Even though at certain times I thought it was like, no, I'm really not doing the things that I really enjoy, which is running, going to emo concerts,
going to anime conventions, these things where I just get to be myself and not really think about the challenges in life. Just for a little bit, I was like, I know it's going to be there, but for a moment, just not think about it and then get back to it when I'm ready.
Why people take vacations, you know, just to break away from reality for a little bit. And to me, that that's my answer is learn to play more. Being comfortable and just enjoying life and like, not having it feels like, I gotta do this.
You know, the work will get done. Like, if you are meant to do what you're supposed to do,
you're gonna get it done. But also to take care of yourself, you Know, like, I know people talk about self care, but for me, like, I don't use that term.
I learn to play,
learn to do things that realign yourself to get you centered back and remind you who you are. And when I play, I remember that because I know you shared about, you know, the talks of yourself.
For me, when I'm able to run, that's my form of play.
I hear myself. You know, I hear the negative, but I also hear the positive, where through the negativity is like, you're not doing enough. You should be here by now.
Like, why is that person? I also, what I listen deeply is like, but you are doing enough. You're out here running. Sambo.
Look at the things that you did that made people smile. You may have not seen them or you're here. Like, you know, it's. It's when I'm able to play, like, I hear the multiple voices.
It's not just one as interesting as sound. And that's why I love to run. It's like I'm able to just focus on the running, but then, like, the voices come in a different.
Yeah, that's me. Play. Play more.
Valerie Beck: Okay, sorry, one last one, and then we're done. Is because you're a community leader here in Long beach and you are doing active work, I would love to hear if you had all the resources you could ever get,
what would you create in Long beach to make it a better place?
Sambo Sak: I want to create a specific theater playhouse that brings in communities to tell the story of their community,
to write and create and really showcase. This is what we're going through in the community.
Not just like some fancy,
you know, story about, like, older books, but really coming to community. Like, this is the challenge that I see in my community. This is a celebration of my community and having people put on that show.
Because what I've. The reason why theater,
when I've been around it,
I've seen so much beautiful interaction and storytelling happen.
And honestly, theater has helped me out of sharing my story because I didn't really share my story of suicide or anything. But through theater,
it has been a powerful tool. Art in general has been a really powerful tool for people to be comfortable in sharing the good, the bad, the in between of themselves and let the world, like, this is who I am.
I want you to see me. And I think that's the. For me,
that's the unique way of people donating money because, like, people actually see the struggles they're going. It's not just hearing it like, they're able to like see. It's like, dang.
Like I thought kids, like for example,
kids going on higher education,
like, why are kids not finding their purpose? And I could have young folks like, what, like, show the challenges that you're seeing in your school of why you have a hard time of finding what major or career you want to do.
And they could literally, like this is like they could do a specific seeing play of the day to day life of a student going to school in Long beach, in central Long beach,
in a school that has a diverse population and such like that. So for me it's, you know, having a theater playhouse where folks get to come in, actually write their pieces and they actually get to use it rather than someone else that takes it.
I was like, oh, that sounds cool, but we're going to recreate everything because I've seen that. But also one of the greatest moments I've had, I was in,
I created a play with friends called the Air we Breathe where I shared, you know, my boxing experience and I was able to create that. I'm just share the story of like the reality of the air conditions here in Long Beach.
So yeah, I know that was pretty long, but that's what it is. I wanted to create a theater.
Snoop Dogg and other folks have created an image. You know, Long beach is more than that.
Valerie Beck: Rad. I look forward to seeing that come to fruition. Thank you so much, Sambo, for your time today and for your wisdom and your insight and your vulnerability.
Sambo Sak: Thank you for the opportunity, Valley.
Valerie Beck: Of course. All right, I'll see you later.
Sambo Sak: See you later.
Valerie Beck: Thank you so much for tuning in to this special finale of from the Ashes Season two. Whether this is your first time joining me or you've been here all season, I want to thank you for being a part of this space.
These stories voices are reminders that transformation is possible, healing is not linear, and that choosing yourself is the most powerful thing you can do.
We're going to be taking a short break to rest, reflect and recalibrate. And we'll be back in late spring with a brand new season filled with even more powerful conversations.
Bold truth telling and soul stirring insight to help you rise from your own ashes. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.
And remember, you are never meant to do this alone. Until next time,
busking tune Set Me Free.
