[00:00] Valerie Beck: Rise, Renew, reconnect. Welcome to from the Ashes, a podcast where every story ignites hope and healing.
[00:19] Valerie Beck: Hello everyone, and welcome back to from the Ashes. I'm your host, Valerie Beck, and today I have my guest, Linda Saslow. So Linda Saslow is a native of Southern California.
[00:32] She graduated from UCLA with a BA in World Arts and Cultures and has a Master of Professional Writing from USC.
[00:40] And she currently resides in Long Beach, California, where I reside, beautiful, sunny California. She's passionate about yoga, meditation, healthy lifestyles and sobriety.
[00:51] And her book CU Zen is inspired by actual events in her life journey and the experiences of others she has encountered on her sober journey. And I want to mention that since her sober journey, life has brought her down many twists and turns, driving her further down the path of growth.
[01:09] And I'm really excited to discuss what that looks like with her today. So welcome. Linda Saslow.
[01:16] Linda Saslow: Thank you for having me on.
[01:19] Yes, a lot has transpired since the book was published and I really believe that my sobriety, which is coming up on seven years in January, is really been what's kept me afloat.
[01:34] You know, I lost my mom in 2021. I lost my husband in 2023.
[01:40] I've just had to acquire and, you know, step up to the plate with a lot of new life skills.
[01:46] And I really strongly believe that a life rooted in, you know, intentionality, self actualization and honesty, which is what sobriety has brought me, is what has allowed me to grow and achieve and function well in as crisis is unfolded.
[02:10] Valerie Beck: Yes, I would love to hear a little bit about what that journey looked like.
[02:16] Oftentimes I ask my guests what they're from the ashes story is. I know that there are multiple.
[02:23] Right. We rise from the ashes continuously throughout our lives.
[02:28] I would like to ask you first about the one that informed Cuz.
[02:33] Linda Saslow: Okay. Cuz N was something I started writing in 2015 when I had a job I didn't like and I wasn't sober yet. And I kind of put it down for a couple years and picked it up again when I was about three or four months sober, which was the beginning of 2018, and was plugging away at it.
[03:03] 2018, 2019.
[03:06] The book kind of morphed into not just the Sex, drugs and Yoga Diary of Debauchery, which is what it had started out at, you know, a few years before and morphed into the dire of debauchery that culminated in sobriety and self actualization.
[03:28] And so the book evolved. And honestly, without the pandemic of 2020 and having the dedicated, you know, introvert time, the book wouldn't have taken shape. I wouldn't have probably sat down every day at 10am for, you know, you know, whatever.
[03:48] However, how many months I did, you know, nine months, 10 months sitting down at 10:00am every day and working on it.
[03:56] That was just a small silver lining of the pandemic is it allowed me to do the dedicated, you know, daily time of working on the book.
[04:06] And then I hired an editor in 2021 and worked on the book while my mom was ill in the evenings and, you know, was able to finish it during 2021 and it was released end of 2022 at Christmas time.
[04:26] Yeah, it got a very, very warm reception in the Fullerton area because I was living in Fullerton when I wrote it. And the book is primarily set in Fullerton in north Orange County.
[04:39] And when she, you know, becomes sober and self actualized, she actually needs a change of scenery and moves to Long beach, which is where I am currently. And I was spending a lot of time in Long beach at that point.
[04:51] So that seemed. And planning a move. So it seemed like the logical place to relocate her.
[04:57] Yeah, I'm very happy with the warm reception the book has had. And I'm at the point in the last six months where I'm meeting people largely in the Fullerton area and they've read the book without knowing who I am, which is very, very fun.
[05:14] Valerie Beck: Yeah. Do you mind if I ask you a question about your own sobriety journey?
[05:21] Linda Saslow: No, I. I'm pretty open.
[05:23] Valerie Beck: Okay. So it seems like you are actually starting the book before you became sober, is that correct?
[05:31] Linda Saslow: Yes. I was in my writers group, which has been going on really since grad school ended in 2013.
[05:43] And I was in my writers group and wanted a fiction project because my master's degree is in nonfiction and I'd always wanted to write fiction. So I was in a job I didn't like and was spending weekends with my writers group and started plugging along in this group.
[06:00] And it really had to do with just dysfunctionality and didn't really have an end game.
[06:06] And a lot of that book I started writing probably 80 pages ended up on the trash heap because they didn't really fit the end game that I ended up with.
[06:18] But there are things from the early phase of the book that did make the final cut.
[06:24] Valerie Beck: Yeah. So what drove your decision to become sober?
[06:30] Linda Saslow: Okay.
[06:31] Between October and basically Christmas of 2017, I was a party animal like I had never been in my life. I mean, went to the Day of the Dead in San Miguel, day on day, and, you know, we just were whooping it up.
[06:48] And, you know, that kind of lasted through the holiday season, and it became dysfunctional around Christmas when I had the week off work because I was working at a tutoring center, and I had Christmas week off, and it just really.
[06:59] It wasn't good. And my husband, who was a kind of gentle soul, you know, was just very encouraging and said, I think you need to move on from this. And I talked to some doctors and that they were like, you know, take six weeks off more than a sober January.
[07:17] Just take off till, you know, middle of February.
[07:22] And after a week of sobriety and just, you know, white knuckling it, I called a friend who I knew was in aa and I talked to her, and she's like, you're going to a meeting tomorrow.
[07:35] She was teaching CPR that Saturday, but she's like, you're going to a meeting tomorrow. And she suggested where I go.
[07:43] But I had to go solo to my first meeting, and I felt right at home right away. And the first person I met at that meeting is now my sponsor.
[07:54] She wasn't my initial sponsor, but she became my sponsor in 2021. I mean, I had a instant affinity toward these woman women who had 25 to 30 years of sobriety at the Fullerton Alano.
[08:08] They were so kind to me and so welcoming and reassuring that I was in the right place and that if I didn't take charge of my mental health and my substance use right then and there, it was only going to get worse.
[08:26] And they were shining examples of good lives after sobriety.
[08:31] So when that six weeks ticked over and I went to New Orleans for a family function, I think everybody assumed I'd be a moderate drinker in New Orleans. And I was just like, no way.
[08:46] I was just not having any of it. I mean, I was sitting in my hotel courtyard reading the AA big book before the parties, ordering Roy Rogers, you know, just sort of taking it in, enjoying the food, enjoying the ambiance without any substances on board.
[09:07] And I realized, you know what? I can travel to a city that drinking is what it's about and not have it be what it's about for me.
[09:16] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[09:17] Linda Saslow: Yeah. And then a few months after that, I had hypnotherapy, which was the suggestion of. I had that in early May, and that was a suggestion of my therapist. That was the best decision ever.
[09:29] It cost me $200 and it gave me a complete freedom. And by the middle of the summer, after having that hypnotherapy in May, I was so happy, so joyous, achieving things I hadn't achieved in a couple of years.
[09:44] And I really realized, wow, this is how I want my life to be from this point forward. I don't want to be dragged down by wanting to open the bottle of wine at five in the afternoon.
[09:57] I just don't want that anymore.
[09:59] Valerie Beck: Yeah. So in the book, Kiki's her name, right?
[10:04] Linda Saslow: The main character, protagonist.
[10:06] Valerie Beck: So I read the book and I noticed because I, it's like getting into the perspective of a character who's very different from me. Right. I've never had to go down this path.
[10:18] And what really occurred to me is that it, it wasn't like, it was kind of hazy for her. She would make choices and they would kind of just be like nonchalant choices about like, oh, I might as well have this glass of wine like right in the middle of the day and all of that.
[10:33] And then like not really noticing it was a problem until someone said it to her.
[10:38] Linda Saslow: Right.
[10:38] Valerie Beck: Because like then, then relationships would be disturbed and like, you know, her ability to show up to work would be compromised. Like, did you notice, is that from your experience, did you ever notice that.
[10:50] Linda Saslow: In your own life, starting at Thanksgiving 2017 through Christmas 2017.
[10:58] And my husband over the Christmas, Thanksgiving week went with his cousin to Machu Pichu and did the Inca Trail hike. And really that's when being alone and a little lonely because he was on Inca Trail out of communication, you know, hiking, having, you know, a real personal growth experience himself that might.
[11:24] My drinking took a turn for the worse and really it did start to affect my personal relationships and work life in after Thanksgiving through Christmas. And I realized around the 26th of December that I was going to have to go back to work the next week.
[11:43] And it was just unmanageable.
[11:45] And so I took a couple weeks off work. I actually came clean to my boss, who's the sweetest woman in the world, and said, you know what, look, I need to spend January focusing on really setting a new tone for my day to day life and giving up the alcohol.
[12:07] And I didn't entirely know when I emailed her, which is probably the 27th of December 2017, I knew I needed time off to deal with it and I probably took three weeks off work.
[12:21] I didn't really understand how that new phase, my life would unfold. I mean, I got really, really into meditation early On a teacher at Purple Yoga in Fullerton told I came clean to her and she's like, you need to meditate.
[12:37] You need to really, really learn to meditate. And meditation and prayer are step 11 in AA.
[12:45] And yeah, the yoga teacher who helped me had sort of toyed with sobriety and wasn't in a long term sobriety situation. But she knew during the phases when she was successful, meditation was what really shaped the success.
[13:01] And I, I really took the deep dive into meditation that January and it hasn't ended. I'm probably more into meditation.
[13:11] I go to two meditation classes a week. I became a meditation teacher last summer. I mean, it's just like I really realize that the bedrock and the foundation of my sobriety and my new sort of calm and centered peaceful nature that I have in life now is rooted in regular meditation.
[13:37] And prayer is a part of that too.
[13:40] There are some really good books on Buddhism that talk about how it's not. It's not invalid in Buddhist meditation to incorporate prayer.
[13:54] That sort of. It's a valid approach and it is my approach.
[13:58] Valerie Beck: Can you tell me. I'll tell us rather what that looks like. Right. How do you incorporate the prayer into your meditation?
[14:06] Linda Saslow: If my mind starts wandering and it's something I'm worried about is the reason that my mind has started wandering. I tend to rattle off cries for help is the best way to put them and you know, ideas to the universe.
[14:27] My higher power, which is sort of an amorphous higher power asking for help for either the person who's in crisis for myself for just basically peace and serenity for those around me who I might be worried about.
[14:46] Valerie Beck: Thank you. So I want to dig a little bit deeper into how you wrote Kiki's character and her psychology because there. Because I'm so I've practiced a lot of different modalities as well.
[14:58] I've done. I'm big fan of yoga and yoga philosophy. I love meditation. And then you dive kind of into plant medicine in the book too, and you go to. She goes to Kundalini yoga and all of this.
[15:10] There's like a. She dabbles in so many things. And actually in the beginning, she's already vegan, right?
[15:16] Linda Saslow: Yeah, she is kind of like she's. She's cheating on veganism the whole time.
[15:21] Valerie Beck: Yes.
[15:23] So I thought that was a really interesting choice. Someone who kind of. It already seems like she's searching. Right. She wants to do better for herself. But at the same time there's, there's a lack of clarity that she has about all of it.
[15:34] And she's trying and she's trying and she's trying, but she's also kind of digging herself into a little bit of a hole.
[15:40] How did you come up with that character? Why is it important for.
[15:44] Why was it important for her to have those experiences?
[15:48] Linda Saslow: Well, I think it's really over the course of a year that the fall into debauchery happens. And part of it is her grieving her father and her grandmother is dying.
[16:04] And, you know, she's spiraling out of control, and she's always sort of hoping for the self actualization, but she's using at the same time.
[16:17] So her quest for a better life doesn't really materialize until she realizes she has to give up the substances.
[16:29] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[16:29] Linda Saslow: Which was my own experience.
[16:31] Valerie Beck: Got it. Yeah. Because she seems like she was already kind of on a. Kind of on a path. Why did you choose for her to be a millennial?
[16:42] Linda Saslow: Well, I have two daughters who are millennials.
[16:45] One is 27 now, the other is 31, and they do not have substance abuse problems. But I was able to weave some of the experiences that my daughter's having. It set in the neighborhood I grew up in, but I didn't grow up there.
[17:04] I lived there for 16 years when my kids were growing up. And it was easy to sort of envision my daughters boomeranging into my house and living these. These struggle lives.
[17:19] And the idea of a father dying was already on my mind because my husband had his myelodysplasia diagnosis when he was 41. So we were sort of coping and living with the possibility of him having a stem cell transplant and going through that in his 50s.
[17:40] And he opted not to do that, hoping that leukemia wouldn't set in until his 70s or 80s, which is actually more common than it setting in at 55.
[17:52] And yeah, stem cell transplants are risky. I have colleague, I guess is what you call it, the grief share meeting here in Long beach who did lose her son to a stem cell transplant.
[18:05] They're not entirely safe procedures, and you could be cutting your life short by doing them. There are success stories because when my husband was a patient at City of Hope, I did meet some patients who are post stem cell transplant who are back surfing.
[18:22] They were living a full life. I mean, I did meet some post stem cell patients at the City of Hope who were just doing fantastic. So there is a sunny side to it, but there's always uncertainty.
[18:36] Valerie Beck: Right. When you we're going to dive a little bit deeper into that journey. In a little bit about after writing the book and then going through the loss of your husband, how that.
[18:50] How writing the book and your sober journey inform that.
[18:54] But before we dive into that, I wanted to ask you a little bit more about how you chose to highlight a journey through.
[19:05] You call them new age practices in healing and what does it mean to you to be a new age? And how effective are those approaches that you have you wrote Kiki into in terms of actually bringing about healing?
[19:21] Linda Saslow: You know, I was explaining to a friend who's lost his wife, who grew up devout Catholic, that I'm a spiritualist at this point in sobriety, I'm not adhering to any specific religious dogma.
[19:33] I love Buddhism. I raised my kids Jewish because my late husband was Jewish. I have an affinity and do some ritualistic things that are Jewish.
[19:42] I was raised Protestant. There are things that I, you know, that I'm attracted to about the peace, love and understanding side of Christianity.
[19:52] You know, I don't consider myself adhering to a specific religion, but I consider myself deeply spiritual.
[20:00] And some of the things I've done in sobriety, like I did Reiki certification pretty early on.
[20:07] I did. And I use Reiki on people who need it. I'm not doing it in a commercial, you know, transactional money way, but if somebody needs Reiki, I will, I will.
[20:20] And I do self Reiki too.
[20:22] I became a yoga teacher in 2018, which was. I was very into yoga before, but it made it more of. I did teach briefly, but it made it more of an essential component to my life, both spiritually and physically.
[20:43] And my journey with meditation continues to evolve. And it is a very spiritual practice for me. Just last night, it was at Long beach meditation, which takes place a few times a week at the Bay Shores Church in Belmont Shore.
[20:58] And every month I'm into going to Buddhist meditation.
[21:06] My depth of appreciation for the practice, really, it just gets deeper and deeper.
[21:14] And I'm not a Buddhist, but I really love Buddhist meditation.
[21:19] And people have called me a Jewbu because there's a certain. I read a book years ago called the Jew and the Lotus, which is about the connections between Judaism and Buddhism.
[21:30] Valerie Beck: Okay.
[21:30] Linda Saslow: And I mean, I'm beyond that. I'm sort of a Protestant jewbu.
[21:36] I. There's so much, and a lot of it comes from being a world arts and cultures major at UCLA, which is really a comparative religions program at a secular university.
[21:46] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[21:47] Linda Saslow: And yeah, I.
[21:50] Spirituality. And it's really, you know, the New age culture has really. And, you know, things centered in Like Eastern religion have really become so essential to my life in sobriety in the last, you know, almost seven years.
[22:07] And it's not that I wasn't dabbling in these things before, but I. They took hold in sobriety.
[22:14] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[22:15] So let's go into the post sobriety journey.
[22:20] And you mentioned before we started how it empowered you to handle life after that. So can you tell us a little bit about that?
[22:30] You were talking about how after the book, you lost your husband and all of that. Oh, yeah.
[22:34] Linda Saslow: Yeah. Having a foundation in the 12 steps. And 12 step wants no publicity.
[22:42] It's sort of the ethos of 12 Step. It's an idea of attraction rather than publicity. But having the fundamentals of spirituality, meditation, a community that I could go to to vent and balance ideas off of, both in meetings and with my sponsor.
[23:09] Yeah. Just made. I mean, I would sit up at the City of Hope when my husband was getting sicker and sicker out in the garden at the City of Hope.
[23:18] And I would meditate and I would call my sponsor and she would give the best advice and just really tell me, you know, God's in control. You're not the director of the show.
[23:34] And especially as he got sicker and sicker in the ICU, realizing that I wasn't the one making. I was the power of attorney.
[23:45] But these situations that I was having to make decisions about, I was powerless to control the situations, even though I was the decision maker.
[23:55] And there was a lot of relief in that. It took a lot of the weight off my shoulders.
[24:03] Yeah. I ended up going very soon after sobriety.
[24:07] Sorry, not sobriety, loss of my husband. Because I had read a book by Melody Beatty, who's a sort of established sobriety writer, called the Grief Club. I went to a grief support group meeting, which happened to be in a Catholic church very soon after my husband died, and continued to go pretty regularly for about a year and ended up in a sober, not sober community, grief community that was largely Catholic up at St.
[24:35] Joseph's Catholic Church of Von Willow.
[24:38] But I was able to draw enough from my Protestant upbringing to really jive with that approach to grief and loss.
[24:50] And I'm not considering myself a devout Christian, but relying on that for that year for those meetings was comforting and sort of something out of my childhood and out of my past that was really.
[25:11] Was soothing and.
[25:16] Yeah. And to be able to fall into that community and get the help I needed, help my recovery from that.
[25:24] And I was going to AA meetings during that year, probably less than I had in previous Years.
[25:31] But to be able to have the people I know in aa, both my sponsor and the people at meetings, to have the sympathy and the advice, the 12 step community that already knew me was just so, so comforting at that point.
[25:51] And I had no desire to drink at that point, and I was just in a bad emotional state.
[25:58] And 12 step is genius for that, too.
[26:02] So I think the idea in the Steps that you're not the director of the show, that it's not your responsibility to be the director of the show, has, like, really eased my burdens in this time.
[26:22] Valerie Beck: Yeah. How do you distinguish kind of letting go of control of the outcome and yet still being the main actor in your show?
[26:37] Linda Saslow: I don't want to say I'm a slacker, but it's made me less of a type A personality, which in my early years in going to UCLA and grad school at USC, I was such an actor, such, you know, force of nature doing those things.
[26:57] And it's really made me relax.
[26:59] I realized, you know, what if it doesn't happen this week and it happens next week or at the end of the month, it's going to be okay.
[27:10] It's. It's taken the pressure off myself to be a little bit less of a type A personality, but I'm still achieving and doing things.
[27:17] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[27:17] Linda Saslow: It's just like they don't have to happen on, you know, a deadline timeframe that's quite so severe. I could. I could let myself relax.
[27:29] Valerie Beck: Do you find that, like, being able to relax has opened up possibilities for you that you wouldn't have been able to see had you not changed that part of yourself?
[27:39] Linda Saslow: Yes. I'm less hard on myself. I put less. Less burden on my own shoulders to solve all the problems of the world. Yeah.
[27:50] Valerie Beck: Was that something that used to do?
[27:52] Linda Saslow: I definitely do that, especially in parenting.
[27:55] Valerie Beck: Okay.
[27:56] Linda Saslow: Especially, you know, raising my kids through birth, through.
[28:03] My youngest went to community college. Really through the end of her being in community college, I took a lot of weight on my shoulders of responsibility for the actions of others in my family, and I don't do that anymore.
[28:18] I realize, you know, we're all independent players and I can help them out, but I'm not responsible for them.
[28:28] And that's a lot of. That's the powerless and the letting go.
[28:31] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[28:32] Linda Saslow: And giving it to God.
[28:34] Valerie Beck: I love that. I love that it is allowing for what is meant to happen to happen and then. But one thing that I did notice also when you were talking is that you started to really lean into community and support and really being, you know, starting to choose, like, who you gain that support from.
[28:54] Is that something that you learned during sobriety or had you had that before?
[28:58] Linda Saslow: I did have that, actually, before I led a mental health support group. It was something I discovered living in Cleveland called Recovery International.
[29:07] And I led that group for seven years at the temple in Fullerton. And I did for seven years, have sort of a small community. And there was a priest who was part of that community.
[29:23] And it was not religious, but it was mental health support. And it was leaning on each other for advice and support. And it wasn't 12 step, but it laid a foundation for me to want to have a community of mutual aid.
[29:38] And AA felt very natural when I fell into it as having a community of mutual aid.
[29:45] And, yeah, I have become reliant on sort of support groups.
[29:54] And even in grief, I found my support group.
[29:58] And I have a group of women in my neighborhood who are mostly retired, not exclusively, who get together once a week to have a little art therapy club where we paint and do needlepoint and things like that.
[30:10] And I've even got the retiree women in my neighborhood who I will paint while they are doing their needlepoint, will discuss, you know, our families and politics and just life situations.
[30:25] And they're older and wiser. So I've even got that just in the neighborhood. Beyond sobriety, I feel like having these mutual aid societies really enhances our life as humans.
[30:40] Valerie Beck: Yeah, absolutely. You know, one of the things I see most when it. Because I coach people through with holistic health and improving the quality of their lives, one of the things that I see people struggle with the most actually, is leaning into support networks.
[30:58] Linda Saslow: Yeah, I learned that in my 30s.
[31:02] And it wasn't sobriety, but it was. I had had bouts of mental health problems living in Cleveland with a seasonal affective disorder.
[31:12] And I was in Cleveland for over eight years, and the winters were really hard on me. And starting to go to the Recovery International meetings and get a little mutual aid was very, very helpful.
[31:27] And then moving back to Orange county and wanting more of that and having enough foundation and having gone to the meetings in Cleveland, they sent me to training in Chicago right after Obama was elected.
[31:39] And I did the three days of training, and I started leading the meeting myself.
[31:43] And the particular personalities who came to that meeting in Fullerton were really, really instrumental in helping me lead a better life.
[31:55] And they weren't necessarily the leaders of the group, which is how AA is. AA's, there's no leaders.
[32:02] And your regular person who comes to the Meeting, even if they've only come to two meetings, can be as helpful to you as somebody in a leadership position. And that's the beauty of 12 Step, is there's no leadership.
[32:17] Valerie Beck: You mentioned some. A sponsor. So for those of us who have never been through the program, what. What does a sponsor do? What's the role that they play?
[32:25] Linda Saslow: Well, when you're going through the steps, and the steps took me a couple years, I wasn't in a rush to complete the steps. The sponsor leads you through doing the steps, and then when I finished the steps at two years, the sponsor became more of, you know, a surrogate parent, a surrogate sister, a surrogate best friend.
[32:49] And their relationship with you is rooted in 12 step philosophy. So they're a sounding board for, you know, everything that goes on in your life. And I don't choose to talk to my sponsor more than once a week.
[33:06] I'm not somebody who talks to them every day.
[33:08] But, you know, as life unfolds, there's something, it seems like, you know, every month, sometimes even every week, that a sponsor could be a sounding board for. And I've always chosen sponsors who are decades older than me.
[33:27] That's not necessarily the strategy of a lot of people, but I've wanted people with a lot more sober time than me and a lot more years of life experience.
[33:37] And my current sponsor has had some similar life experiences, and she has a lot of sober time, and it's incredibly useful to talk to her once a week.
[33:52] It's like having a really wise aunt is what it's like.
[33:57] Yeah.
[33:58] Valerie Beck: So I think that's incredible. And I think the choice to have someone who has more life experience, who has more sober time. Right. Is it does position you because it. That person is going to always reach your hand out to lift you up because they know a lot of the things that you are going through, they've seen so much more.
[34:18] So that I find can be incredibly helpful.
[34:22] Linda Saslow: Yeah. It's just learning to lean into the support.
[34:26] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[34:26] Linda Saslow: Which took me a while in sobriety to learn that.
[34:29] Valerie Beck: Would you say that in the sober journey, a lot of it is learning to go from leaning on the support of substances to leaning on the support of people.
[34:40] Linda Saslow: I actually think that's a good way to put it.
[34:43] I think. And learning to rely on a belief in spiritual forces in the universe helping you out, and my late husband had a hard time with that concept, even when he had leukemia, is that maybe there's something in the universe that could lift a finger in your burdens and so you're not only relying on people in 12 step, you're the concept of having a higher power.
[35:13] And that higher power is very like, if you read the AA Big Book, it's very, very open to interpretation. It doesn't have to be Jesus. It doesn't have to be Buddha.
[35:24] It could be the ocean.
[35:26] And you just have to realize there's something in this world or in the universe that you're not all it.
[35:33] And if you can get to the point where you think that whatever that is beyond you could actually lift a finger to ease your burdens, that's.
[35:43] It's really a relief psychologically.
[35:46] Valerie Beck: Yeah.
[35:48] So, yeah, I find that a lot of the time when we do try to do everything ourselves, when we try to muscle through, that's when and. And we don't see the possibility of others, whether that be people or the universe, other forces being able to conspire in our favor.
[36:10] That's when we oftentimes fall into the trap of trying to rely on coping mechanisms, because we still constantly think that we are the one that has to do everything.
[36:24] Linda Saslow: Yeah. I think in my younger years, I thought the burden all fell on my shoulders, and now I don't.
[36:31] Valerie Beck: All right, I know that you mentioned that you have a meditation that you wanted to guide us through.
[36:40] Linda Saslow: I would. I've been workshopping this for a couple months with groups of friends ever since I did meditation teacher training in June. It was an assignment in my meditation teacher training to rewrite one of the meditations we learned to teach.
[36:55] And as a writer, I've been doing various drafts of this lotus meditation. It's. It works with the rising from the ashes theme because it's a growing lotus meditation, and you really are rising from the murk in the pond into the sunlight.
[37:11] So it works with the theme of this podcast.
[37:14] Valerie Beck: Beautiful.
[37:16] So we're going to do the meditation now. Linda's going to get her notes ready, and then I would love for you to actually do this with us as you're listening, if you can.
[37:26] If you're driving, that's okay. You can always go back and rewind and do it at home. But feel free to practice this with us as we go through it together.
[37:36] Linda Saslow: You know, and it's actually completely valid to do meditations with your eyes open. I've learned that at Long beach meditation that you don't necessarily have to be in a dark room with your eyes closed.
[37:49] You know, if you're out in the world.
[37:51] I. I wouldn't necessarily do this meditation while you're driving in the car. But if you're sitting at the supercharger or something, you know, you can do this meditation in your car listening to Spotify.
[38:03] You don't necessarily have to be in your on your special meditation place in your home to do this.
[38:09] Valerie Beck: Yes.
[38:10] Linda Saslow: Yeah.
[38:11] Okay, so we'll start. This is the lotus meditation.
[38:15] I've titled it Grow like the Lotus.
[38:19] It's by both me, Linda Saslow, with portions inspired by Kristen Fuel, who taught my meditation teacher training, who's been a friend for a long time.
[38:32] So we'll begin. And you can choose to close your eyes if you like.
[38:38] If you are at home, you could put a soft cloth over your eyelids to block the light.
[38:43] Make sure you are seated in a comfortable position or lying peaceful in corpse pose. I think if you're in the driver's seat of your car relaxing, I think that's okay too.
[38:53] Choose a position that is comfortable for you to stay in for the duration of the meditation, whether that be laying down or seated either on the floor or in a comfortable chair.
[39:02] Take a deep breath with me.
[39:07] Okay, we'll start.
[39:09] The beautiful lotus flower is symbolic of spiritual awakening or enlightenment. In the Buddhist tradition, growth in life often comes out of darkness. Like the lotus flower emerging from a dark pond.
[39:24] Imagine yourself in a dark, murky place. The lotus grows in murky ponds, yet the petals and leaves emerge unsoiled. Free of dirt and grime.
[39:37] The lotus seed starts out in the ignorance and darkness.
[39:41] The journey for the little seed begins at the bottom of the muddy pond.
[39:47] It is full of magnificent potential, but cannot see the sun.
[39:52] It doesn't know the shape it will take.
[39:55] It is unclear how and when it will grow.
[40:02] There are times in our lives when we are in the murk. Like the little lotus seed. Life brings us uncertainty and darkness.
[40:12] Even if you are mired in the depths of life's challenges and crises, you need to push forward toward the brightness that lies beyond your current vision.
[40:22] Think of three qualities or talents that you possess that provide the power to overcome the obstacles life throws your way.
[40:39] We can only trust in the universe that forces inside us will propel us forward toward the light, where we will grow. To become more enlightened and buoyant.
[40:49] Imagine ways in your own life where you need to conjure ways to emerge into the light of day.
[40:59] The impulse to grow arises from sources unknown to us, but which we have faith will guide us.
[41:07] Maybe it isn't our DNA from our higher power, our teachers, spirit guides, or even our ancestors.
[41:16] This power to grow is from a place beyond Our comprehension.
[41:20] It comes from a realm beyond our conscious understanding. We need to trust. As the future unfolds, we will germinate and grow.
[41:30] The seed cracks open. Pushing beyond our limited imagination, we push toward an unknown, unseen sun.
[41:44] You are the germinating seed, sprouting roots downward into the earth.
[41:49] As a stock begins to grow upward, roots become firm beneath you. The stock pushing upwards in the water is strong and steadfast.
[42:00] The nutrients and minerals in the water provide the power to grow upward.
[42:05] The sunlight, although unseen, is creating energy that pushes the growth forward.
[42:15] The budding lotus breaks through the surface of the water into the glorious sunlight. When conditions are right, pink petals open, showing the glorious beauty. The little lotus held inside the beauty of the lotus seeds.
[42:31] Transformation is amazing to behold.
[42:36] Divine grace and love surround it. Imagine the bloom of a thousand pink petals at your third eye.
[42:48] The journey to clarity and awareness is complete.
[42:55] Begin to come back to awareness.
[42:57] Gently move your fingers and toes. Bring some small amount of light back into your vision so that you emerge into today like the little lotus. Seeing the sun and reality with new eyes.
[43:12] The lotus meditation is complete.
[43:15] Thank you for practicing with me today.
[43:25] Valerie Beck: So I loved it.
[43:28] Linda Saslow: Yeah. I'm hoping to have a series of about five meditations that I can post on Insight Timer. Oh, friends who have done that and I want to do professional recording of this in a friend's recording studio up in la.
[43:44] And I, you know, I've got one under my belt meditation wise. I have other themes I'd like to do. Sobriety, grief, angel meditations.
[43:54] You know, I have a small menu I. I'd like to write already of original meditations and I do a lot of leaning on Insight Timer myself and I find it to be an incredible resource.
[44:07] That's what I was doing in the garden at City of Hope. I would do an Insight Timer meditation.
[44:11] Valerie Beck: Yeah, I also use Insight Timer extensively for my own practice. Yeah, it's been incredibly helpful.
[44:17] Linda Saslow: It's an incredible resource.
[44:20] Valerie Beck: I really loved the metaphor that you used with the lotus seed and being in the darkness with the mud and having to have that faith early on as part of the impetus for growth.
[44:34] Because if you can't see the sun, which for a lot of us it is difficult to see the sun.
[44:39] Right. Especially when we're in tumultuous times, you need something more.
[44:45] And until you can see the sun, which would become that compass, right, like that, the point of reference there, you need to operate a little bit more on just kind of faith that you are going to grow and that you are going to emerge from the mud of darkness.
[45:04] Linda Saslow: Yeah, it's taken me, it's been a journey to get to that realization. And when I was doing the meditation teacher training, this particular meditation really resonated with me. And as my assignment to rewrite one, this was the natural one to do.
[45:23] Valerie Beck: Well, I hope that it becomes available on Insight Timer soon.
[45:28] You'll have to tell me when it does so that I can put it in the show notes and share with everyone.
[45:33] I would like to close off today by asking you a final question.
[45:38] What? For people who are looking at rough times, whether that be loss or fighting with their own sobriety journey, what are some key takeaways to help them along to see the light on the other side?
[45:57] Linda Saslow: I actually find it essential to go to in person meetings. I think if you're mired in despair, getting out of the house and going to an in person meeting is the solution.
[46:09] If you're staying at home and going to a zoom meeting, you might stay wallowing your own depression, but if you actually make the effort to take a shower, put on clothes and go out of the house and sit in a room with people for an hour to 90 minutes, you might brighten your spirits.
[46:26] Valerie Beck: Yes. Connection, Absolutely. And then would you like to share briefly also, what are you currently working on?
[46:35] Linda Saslow: Well, I am writing a book titled Working Title Near Nirvana that's about ushering my mother and my husband through hospice. And I was not a death doula for anyone. There were other professionals in hospice doing that.
[46:52] But having to be the family member who makes the spiritual and physical decisions for that person and remaining whole in your own person while you're doing it.
[47:05] And I saw some really interesting things spiritually in my own life and in the lives of my mom and my husband as these things transpired. And it's, it's really strengthened my belief in spiritual forces in the universe.
[47:21] And I don't know if they're bodhisattvas. I don't know if they're angels. I don't know if they're, you know, my ancestors. I don't know who it is, but I, you know, there's help.
[47:30] And the other thing I've been writing, which is humorous, is about dating as a widow, which is something I started doing in the spring. And I've had some really good relationships, but nothing has turned serious.
[47:46] I currently have been hanging out with a widower and that's just been really good for both of us. But just the process of having to learn to date after being in a 34 year relationship and dating was different when I was 20.
[48:04] Having to relearn that skill is funny. It's just really, really funny.
[48:09] And the other thing I'm writing, which will have to be published anonymously, is about going to AA meetings in French. I speak intermediate French and I started traveling to French speaking countries in the spring, specifically Montreal and Paris.
[48:29] And going to AA meetings there and doing it in French has just been eye opening and really exhilarating.
[48:37] And so those are the three things I'm writing and they're all entirely different from each other. But you know, sometimes I'm in the mood to be funny, sometimes I'm in the mood to be serious.
[48:49] Valerie Beck: Beautiful. Well, we really look forward to those future pieces of writing.
[48:54] This has been a really eye opening and really enlightening conversation. Linda and I look forward to hearing more from you in the future. Thank you.
[49:03] Linda Saslow: Yes, thank you for having me on. I really. It was fun.
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