[00:00] Valerie: Rise, renew, reconnect. Welcome to from the Ashes, a podcast where every story ignites hope and healing. All right, welcome back to from the ashes. I am your host, Valerie Beck, and today I have a very special guest. Her name is Carman Murray, and she's based in Alberta, Canada. Carman is an educator turned author, speaker and mentor. She's the author of a book called teachers a guide to avoiding and overcoming burnout in the classroom. And I know you can't see it, but she has this image of a burning apple in her background. So we have a lot to dig into, and I'm really excited to hear your story, Carman, so welcome.
[00:54] Carman: Thank you so much, Valerie. I'm so excited to be here and share my from the ashes story with you because we all have one, whether we're aware of it or not or whether we've owned it yet.
[01:05] Valerie: Absolutely. Yes. And, you know, I think this is a really special moment for me because I have been on the receiving side of your mentoring, and it's been such a pleasure to be guided by you. And I'm really excited to dig into your story because oftentimes when you are on the mentoring side, I don't really get to hear the leader side of the story.
[01:27] Carman: So thank you. And I love mentoring. And the one thing I love about mentoring, well, actually, there's more than one thing. One of the things I love about it is there's this give and take you talk about. I've been mentoring you and I've learned so much from you. So even as a mentor, mentees help us continue to be inspired and remember the things that we maybe have done, that work that we've stepped away from. And so the mentor mentee relationship is so powerful in any capacity. So thank you for all of the learnings you've shared with me and taught me.
[02:02] Valerie: Thank you so much. So let's get right into it. I would like to first hear you're from the ashes story. So, from my understanding, you were a teacher before you stepped into the role of business owner, before you stepped into the role of author, before you stepped into role of speaker and doing what you are doing now. So let's start off by giving everyone a bit of context and then go into the story, okay?
[02:28] Carman: Yeah, absolutely. So I taught as a school teacher for 15 years here in Alberta, Canada, and loved it. Absolutely loved it. And then there came a point where I was like, oh, how much longer am I going to teach? And those seeds were planted, and it probably was about three, five, I'm not exactly sure on the number years after that that I stepped away from teaching. And unfortunately, I didn't step away from teaching. On a positive note, I hit burnout. And one of the fascinating things was I was still, like, doing the habits that keep you healthy. One of our mentors, Cate Stillman, has these habits that we follow, and I was doing those, and I was moving in the direction of living my dreams. And when I look back, it's like, oh, being in a classroom was out of alignment for me. I wasn't getting myself out. So my body told me. And the part that was probably the most challenging for me and the part that I didn't listen to was in April, the year I stepped away. I was sick for three weeks. I had the flu. I had possibly bronchitis. I had possibly a blood clot. And I still taught. I still went into my classroom on a regular basis, and I had messages coming from the people around me that was like, oh, maybe you should, you know, step away or quit. And that part of me that was taught to be strong, I can do this, was like, I'm strong. I can finish this year. Looking back, I wish I'd stepped away and given myself some, a break. I didn't. And when I left teaching, I knew I would never return to the classroom. Like, that was just a knowing that I had. And so it took me a good six or eight months, maybe a year to realize I was actually in burnout. It's just like, no, I'm good. I'm fine. I can do this. I can power through, and I think we do that. And I don't want to be gender stereotyped or anything, but it's just like, as women, I think we force ourselves to continue because we can. We want to prove that we're strong. We want to prove that we can do it. And I've stopped doing that most of the time. We'll say, that's my disclaimer, because I find that I still do it. I catch myself more.
So when I left teaching, that was a pivotal moment for me of what do I want to do? And actually, I left teaching in June and started taking ayurvedic coaching from Cate in August. And then I spent, I've spent the last five, six years doing the coaching. And then my book came out of, I started my book two and a half years ago. I think it's been published for almost a year. And that was really healing for me because that was my journey of what was my teaching, what would I do different? And I wanted to share that story with people because I wanted them to know there's a different possibility. And that phrase know there's a different possibility comes from Orlando Bowen. He's a, used to be a football player in for the Toronto football team. Forgive me, I'm not a football fan, so I don't even know who they are. I. And he's like, he had a young man go, I didn't know there was a different way to do it. And I'm like, oh, I want to show teachers that there's a different way to do it, that you don't have to struggle so hard, you don't have to feel so isolated and you don't have to do it yourself. And sometimes, like, for me, it was, that was the experience I got in those 15 years I taught and now I've got my book and now I'm teaching teachers and working with teachers and mostly women in taking care of themselves. And that gives me so much joy because I really want to change the face of education. So our teachers feel supported and they need to know it needs to come from themselves. Like, they need to start with their own self and make those choices for themselves. So that would be my story. Wow.
[06:27] Valerie: Thank you for sharing. You know, even though I don't have the same. I have not followed the same path as you. I could see a lot of myself in your story and just the, the act of questioning and the act of seeing things in a different way, I want to know first, just kind of like the 15 years of teaching and you loved it at first. What do you think? Were the factors that led to that burnout? Was it internal or were there systemic things that were also going on that caused it?
[07:03] Carman: I would say a little bit of both. I would definitely say a little bit of both. And I definitely view the world differently than a lot of people. And I feel like my health pushing me out of teaching pushed me into coaching. It moved me into coaching. It moved me into the next phase of my life where I could take those 15 years of experience and support other teachers. And so I don't know if that answers your question or not, but that is my, like, the bigger plan, having that trust in faith of there is a bigger plan and I don't know what it is. Even though I think that I should be doing XYZ, it turns out that I'm doing ABC and I love it.
[07:43] Valerie: Yeah, I want to know also, because I talk a lot about burnout, having gone through it myself in a very severe way, I know how much it can really drag you back for years even. Right? I think that's the point. What were the signs like? Did you notice them leaning up and were they physical, mental?
[08:08] Carman: That's a great, that's a great question. So I would say leading up to them, I wasn't aware of them. Looking back, I can see them. And so exhaustion, like mental exhaustion. I used to sleep like 3 hours on weekends, both Saturday, both Sunday. I was exhausted all the time. I had didn't have a lot of patience for my children. Six years ago I had a six year old and a twelve year old. And so not a lot of patients. And I live on a ranch, so I love being outside and helping my husband on the ranch. But it was like I didn't have time or capacity to partner with him and team with him for, for ranch stuff, relationship stuff, all of the things. I also noticed that I was turning away from my classroom and looking for different things. Like I stepped into leadership with students and I did more and more and more of that and wanted to be in my class less. And so like shifting that focus mentally, I was really hard on myself a lot. A fair amount of anxiety. Like my upper, my arms would ache on my way to school. No, like, not necessarily like panic attacks, but just ache. And I was anxious about leaving and different things like that. So definitely signs. And I would say that I was so far in it that I couldn't see those signs at the time. And I wish that I had listened to the people around me that were saying, hey, maybe you should stop or take a break.
[09:42] Valerie: Yeah. It is really hard to see it when you're in it because you think that it's just you sometimes that's having the problem. I think it's also interesting that you had mentioned you were doing all of the right things in terms of your health. Right. You were eating healthy or following the circadian rhythm habits, I'm assuming, and all of that and. But still there was this major aspect of your life that was really dragging your health down. I think that's a really good point, is like, sometimes we could do things by the book and it's not necessarily the whole picture, otherwise we would be perfectly healthy. And that's kind of like the missing component, I think that we really need to address. So I want to ask you, because you went into ayurvedic health coaching after the fact, why did you choose to do that and how did you see you filling in that gap?
[10:44] Carman: So I had been hanging out with Cate and doing some ayurveda stuff before, like, probably at least two or three years prior. And I just want to address the doing the right things, it's really fascinating when we are doing something that we're good at, we've done for a while, and we love, and there's this pull to go in a different direction, and we don't know what that direction is. And the energy that it takes to sustain doing what we're doing, that's, I don't want to say on the wrong path, but going in a different direction that's causing friction from where we actually want to go sucks our energy, and it dissipates our energy. And when we're already in burnout, when we're already exhausted and scraping the barrel every day to get out of bed or to do the things we love to do, even doing those habits, like early to bed and earlier lighter dinners and meditation, it helps us continue to scrape the bottom of the barrel. It doesn't. We aren't doing enough to build us up. And so I would say that's where I was, was. I was functioning barely, and my habits kept me functioning barely for a while, but I wasn't doing enough self care to build that back up. And I also want to acknowledge there's different levels of self care. Right when we're, when we're exhausted, going to the gym is super de stressing, and so it helps us de stress, but then it depletes our energy. And then when we have that mental fatigue going on, that almost is more powerful than the physical fatigue because it's like our minds are going, we can't stop. And then that reflects in the body, and we're trying to heal the body, but it's really coming from the mind. So there's this complexity in who we are. And I think what you and I do, Valerie, in the coaching we offer and the people we work with is we work with the whole person. We talk about mindset, we talk about who they hang out with. We look at their habits, we look at what they're eating and help them navigate where they're at and build awareness. And it's not a one size fits all. We're not cookie cutters.
[13:08] Valerie: So let's backtrack a little bit. Your choice, then, to pursue ayurvedic health coaching. Where did that come from?
[13:17] Carman: So I love hanging out with Cate. I like how she teaches. I like that she's always learning something new, and she's always teaching what she's learning. And that's one of the things I like hanging out with her. That's one of the things I like about how she coaches and what she does. And because the habits helped me, because they made a difference in my life, I wanted to learn more about them. And when I first started my business, I was just working with women. I wasn't working specifically with teachers. I was like, okay, who in my sphere can I help? So I just happened to answer your question. I just happened to land in it. It landed in my lap, and I'm like, this is cool. In my coaching, I do a little bit of ayurveda, but then I pull in all of the other avenues of learning that I've done over the last 20 years of my own self healing and journey into it all.
[14:11] Valerie: You said something really interesting about the layers of self care, right? There are different layers, and you kind of have to peel back, because sometimes it can be. It may seem that you're taking care of yourself, but it's on a very superficial level or it's even counterproductive. I really resonated with that because I've done a lot of physical activity in my life. And when I do it, it used to be that I would do it very intensively. Like, there was no in between. Like, I'd either have to show up every single day or I wasn't gonna show up. And I also found myself burning out time and time again, whether it be like the intensive yoga practice I was doing or the martial arts I was doing in the evening. I didn't understand it because I love movement so much. So it was like, why do I feel so miserable? Why do I get anxiety now before I even go to class? And it occurred to me, like, there is. There is a spiritual pull, I think, to this, where we realize that we use. We love it, but there's also something else that we really need to be doing, and we need to be acknowledging in our lives that we're not. We are leaving another cup very empty while we completely put all of our energy here. And I think there is a journey to this that's natural, where we need to really step back sometimes and look at, like, what parts of our lives are we neglecting if we hyper focus and just stubbornly stick to the thing? Just believing constantly, like, this is the one thing I only need to be doing. Does that resonate with you?
[15:48] Carman: It does. It totally does. And I really resonate with the counterproductive piece of. Because I have someone in my life who has trauma from when they were a child about physical exercise. And so working out is traumatizing for them. So it's like, makes things worse. So it's like, how do we look at the complexity of our life? And it's almost like, what is right in front of us that we need to work on and start there? And I really like how you talked about, you know, you just go and you do it, and you just do it because that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to eat right, you're supposed to exercise. Those are two things that we know, but it's just like, okay, how do we pause and take a few breaths and go, what do I need? What does my body need? And I know for some people listening, they're going to be like, well, my body doesn't tell me anything. It's just like, and I resonate with that because it's like, some of us are so out of touch with our body. We're like, what? Our body can give us messages. So it's like, how do we do simple things like pause and take ten breaths? Even some days I find that hard. It's just like, I don't have time to take. And my body's just like, in automatic go mode. It's just like, no, okay, we made it to three the first time. Keep going. And so little things like that and, you know, going for a five minute walk, going for a two minute run. Those are things that were starting points for me because I have zero desire to go to the gym and work out for 2 hours. Like, zero desire. And I know people that do that, and it's just like, and so when we look at helping people implement practices of movement would be great. Does their mind go to, oh, I got to go to the gym for 2 hours. I'm not like, they can't even look at it. So I want to acknowledge as the parts of our lives that you can't even look at right now. And that's okay, right? You don't have to pull back the curtain on the tough stuff. It's like, how can you build up your resiliency? How can you really take care of yourself and nourish yourself so that when and if you're ready to pull back that curtain, your body's ready for it, your mind is ready for it, your emotions are ready for it, the people in your space are ready for it, and you have support. Because I feel like support is the magic pill, if you want to call it that about, I don't know, probably ten years ago, I listened to Jody Carrington talk about those of us who support other people are often not supported enough. And I was like, oh, that was me. And so I've spent the last ten years building up my support system, and I had one. I just didn't recognize that I had one.
[18:29] Valerie: Yeah.
[18:30] Carman: So as soon as we start to recognize and have awareness around what we do have and build on that, that mind shift starts to change our reality.
[18:41] Valerie: Definitely. That definitely resonates with me. When I started WPA, I really remember thinking, like, I don't have a community, like, I don't have an audience, I don't have an. And it's not necessarily true, but I think I pushed it away. It was all part of the burnout, I think, where I was just like, this is my past self. I don't really want to revisit it. And so I also didn't want to revisit the relationships I had during that time because I kind of bundled it up into all one negative experience, when in reality, it wasn't another thing that you said about the lifting back the curtain. You know, when I was doing the physical intensive stuff, I think what I was nothing. What I was really trying to deny myself, and I think it was just self denial, was this ability to be abundant and have a really whole flourishing life. I was hyper focusing on this because this was like, this is all I got, right. I can't see myself being able to have what everybody else has. I can't see myself having financial abundance, to have relational abundance and all that. For some reason, that had been kind of closed off to me. But what I found as I kept digging the hole of burnout is that that was me denying myself. And those were the things I really, really wanted. And I was saying no to myself, too. And I finally had to really take that look at myself and be like, I don't think I'm being honest.
[20:15] Carman: And I, like, I also know that when we take time to look back, to look forward, we're able to look at our regrets, look at our wins, look at our celebrations, look at the places where we're like, ugh. That they've got some. I'm going to use the word crunchiness around it that we don't even want to look at, and then use those to help us move forward. And I think there's a huge piece of being seen and being heard and landing in a safe place where we can share those stories that leave us vulnerable in a safe place, which helps us heal some of the shame and some of the embarrassment that we put on ourselves. Like, when we look back at past relationships or past situations, there's probably going to be some shame and embarrassment. And so how can we look at that? How can we mine that and then move forward and start to let go of that conditioning that comes from other places, that has us feeling embarrassed, that has us feeling shameful, when really there's absolutely no reason for that. And then we, especially for what you and I do, it's just like we are putting ourselves out there. We are using our stories to coach other people and show other people there's a different way to do things and walk alongside them and be real. And so when we can allow ourselves to be seen, step out of hiding, and be real about the messiness that life is, it gives other people permission to do the same. It gives other people permission to start to look at their own past, what I call their mess, and we all have it. It just looks different.
[21:49] Valerie: Yeah. Giving permission and also just accepting your own journey, your own imperfections. Which brings me to this. I want to ask you, because 15 years of teaching is a pretty long stretch. When you decided to leave it, were there any feelings of I failed, or was there any kind of like, oh, this is a sunken cost. Like, I can't believe I'm throwing this all away. How did you navigate?
[22:17] Carman: There was never any feelings of, I can't believe I'm throwing this all away, ever. And there's never been any feelings of regret that I left. There was, however, feelings of failure. I worked through those with a counselor that I see, and it was. It was, and they weren't necessarily conscious thoughts, but as I moved through my burnout, as I unpacked stuff and looked at my situation and where I was at and what I wanted to do next and moving through like I did YHC, which was, you know, WPA or 1.0, and you're on the next level up. But it was like, as I navigated this journey of wanting to coach other people, I had to look at myself. It wasn't just, okay, here, you're gonna coach people. It's just like, oh, you need to move through your own challenges and your own barriers so that you can really step out and show up in front of people, which has us moving through our fears, which has us looking at our past regrets. And so that helped me unpack why I thought I was a failure. And when I look at where I'm at now, it's just like, so much has happened in the past six years, like, just so much. And I'm so glad that I stepped out of the classroom like, it gave me back my time. And a girlfriend of mine who does business coaching with me, she's like, well, based on what you said, maybe you could go back to the classroom. And I'm like, I don't actually think I could because my time is my time. I set my schedule for the most part. I don't know that I could ever go back to being at school and starting at 836 and leaving at 330 or being finished at 330. So as we navigate and try new things on, it's like, what is it we really desire? And I think, like, it's, it's a, it's an interesting question. I started YTC in August, and I remember distinctly walking down the road, middle winter, probably 15 below, and I'd been helping my husband feed cattle. And it was like I got this sense that I have a clean slate. What do I intentionally want to put on it? I don't need to fill it with all this stuff that I don't care about. I can just decide what I want to do and start doing those things. And it was such a freeing experience of, you know, you talk about from the ashes and, like, the Phoenix appearing, it's just like, oh, I get to be whoever I want to be and I get to choose.
[24:49] Valerie: Absolutely. Did you ever feel any guilt?
[24:53] Carman: I don't think so.
[24:55] Valerie: Okay, so it was a very clean, I like, I love it. It was a very clean decision then, from a place of clarity.
[25:03] Carman: Well, it's funny, because when you say that, I think about the three months that I spent in my classroom, the last three months, I'm like, that didn't feel clean at all, but, but very clear on and done, and I knew I wasn't coming back, so lots of. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know that it's like that for everybody, right? There's the, there's the muddiness of it all, and I, and working through it and figuring it out and how are you going to move on and all of the things that go with it, but, yeah, there was parts of it that were very cut and dried, and it was like, yes, this is where I'm going and this is what I'm doing. And then there's parts of it that were just like, I don't even know.
[25:38] Valerie: I think that maybe that, you know, those three months that didn't feel clean, I think that's a natural progression. Right? I do feel like there's a little bit of that struggle of, like, do I want to let this go even if it's not conscious of, there is some tension that needs to be worked through before the clean cut when it does happen. Like, for me, I know when I started WPA, by the way, YHC means yoga health coaching, right? And WPA means wellness pro academy. These are training programs that we've been in just for the people who know, who don't know, rather. But when I made the decision to jump into wellness pro academy, it was a very clean decision, and the decisions around that were very clean. And I actually had to make some big decisions to cut certain things out of my life, like, straight. And up until that point, there was a lot of guilt. There was a lot of, like, turmoil because I knew that I would have to give up a huge part of myself. But when it came to the decision, I was like, this is, this is it. So I want to talk a little bit about that process, because I think what happens is that we have to let go of parts of ourselves, and we also have to reevaluate our beliefs and convictions. And so I want to hear about what shifted in your beliefs and convictions and what parts of you did you find you had to let go?
[26:58] Carman: Well, to be honest, I really just no longer wanted to give my time to other people's children. I wanted to give my time to my children and my family because I was not able to show up for them as I wanted to. I have amazing children that are my own. I want to give more of me to them. And that decision also came out of, we talked earlier about the loss of my daughter. That decision stemmed from that moment in my life of, oh, I've lost a child. These ones are really important, and I want to spend more time with them. I didn't have two children to spend my days with other people's children, so that was a clear, I want more time with my kids, and I want to be able to do things with them, go wherever I want during the day, take them out of school, and do things with them. And so that helped me make that decision, especially when I could no longer function. And all my functioning ability went to school.
[28:01] Valerie: To come back from not being able to function. What did it take that was different from what you were already doing?
[28:12] Carman: Not doing a lot, like, as a teacher and as a mom and as someone who helps run a ranch, it's like, go. Just go. It's like, go 90 miles an hour and what can I get done? And, oh, I've got five extra minutes. What else can I get done? I really had to slow down and it was a progression. So like, it's still a progression. My friend Sarah gives me flak for this because it's like you need to rest. I'm like, but I got things to do. And so someday, and yesterday was one of those days, funny enough, it was just like at 10:00 I was still going vacuuming and cleaning my kitchen because I just wanted to get them done. And when you're a teacher, when you leave the doors of your house and enter that school, you hit the ground running and you don't really stop. Sometimes at the end of the day you get to stop. But then if you've got a family at home, you don't because you land home and you cook and you do all the things you do at home and then it's another day. And so I really had to learn to slow down. I had to learn that it was okay to not do a lot. And I still continue to build my capacity to slow down. Like the last ten days, I've been going flat out because there's stuff that's got deadlines and there's stuff that I've committed to and there's stuff I want to do and I'm excited about it. And I leave today at 04:00 so that's my deadline. So there are parts of, yeah, it's like, okay, what else can I do other than yoga to take care of myself? And we talked about this earlier about the levels of self care is I've picked up Qigong in the last couple months and like, I love yoga and I'm trained as a yoga teacher and I teach yoga and I still use yoga, but something about the qigong meshes with where I'm at right now because it's almost like this collection and this calming of energy for me, which is exactly what I need right now. And I'm doing it three times a day if I can. And it is so worth it. I can feel it. And so how do we give ourselves permission to do the things that feel amazing?
[30:17] Valerie: Uh huh. Yes. I think theres a lot of sorting that needs to be done and acknowledgement that it takes time. People dont realize that burnout happens over years. So to overcome it, to really get out of it realistically takes a lot of conscious work that could take years. And I find that thats, you know, I think youve mentioned this before, but its a process because we constantly bring ourselves back to our, to wanting to get more done. It's like the cultural pull that we just got to keep going and keep doing.
[30:56] Carman: It's funny because I'm like, oh, yeah. And there's the cultural pull, and then there's when a tool comes along, we're like, oh, this is going to help us get stuff done. I'm going to flip this back on you, Valerie. The hundred actions that we've been talking about, somebody like you and I were like, whoa, we get permission to go and do all this stuff, and then it's just like, do we pause and go? Is this really serving me? And is it serving me and where I want to go? Is it serving, like, the future you, like, I think about. We talk about the future you. So where do I want to be in two years? I want to be, like, working, like, 4 hours a day, three days a week, have my summers off, have a team that works for me. What qualities do I need to nurture? What habits do I need to build to get myself there?
[31:43] Valerie: I love it. So, since you mentioned the 100 actions, I will explain that a little bit, what that actually means. So we follow a influencer called Alex Hormozi, and he says that if you do 100 actions each day for 100 days, focusing on what you want to accomplish or one task that will make the difference, you will see a result. And so we took this idea, and we gave a challenge to ourselves to do 100 actions in 100 days based off of what we've been coached on that will help us excel our business as wellness professionals. So I took on the challenge, and the way that I've been doing it is spending 100 minutes each day doing a part of those hundred actions. And the hundred actions happen for us each month. I won't go into the nitty gritty of details, but just the experience of it. Right. And the intention behind it and whether it's aligned with where I want to go. I think I've been pretty lucky in that. I don't know if it's luck. A lot of what I do is introspective. Whether it's an external goal or not, I always take the time to think about, what is this doing for me in my personal development and how is it helping me grow? I have noticed because I've been sick, right, this past week or so, there was a lot of talking going on that I haven't done in a long time, a lot of using the throat chakra. So losing my voice, not. Not a surprise, however. It just. It also tells me, you know, I have to remind myself, like, not so long ago, you were really burnt out on social interactions. You know, pace yourself as well, so I have, I've really looked at that and just, I've been reasonable with myself. And one of the things that I've gotten out of doing this so far, we're not done yet, is that the part of me that I was denying myself for so long, the leader and community member part of myself I was denying myself for so long, still has the potential to grow and be there and I can embrace it. And I think it was like just the negative aspects that I allowed to let in before. Now I have more awareness around this. Like, I can set boundaries now. And if I continue to do this, I just have to continue to also just set those boundaries so that I can live aligned with me no matter how I'm walking through the world.
[34:23] Carman: That's powerful. And what I hear you saying, too, and we've talked about it a little bit, and I think it's important for listeners to think about this, is when you learn something new or there's an opportunity, try it on, right? Give yourself three months or three weeks and try it on and see how it fits. And I love how you talk about that. Introspection and intuition and trying it on and then tweaking it and modifying so it aligns with you. And I feel like that's where it's important we pay attention to the awareness and we have people around us that also help us look at this. Because when we try something on, do we give up too soon or do we continue it on for too long when it doesn't work? And that's why it's so important in what we do to look at your bigger dreams and goals. What are your bigger dreams and goals and where are you headed? Because if you don’t know that, then I feel like you’re just kind of floundering around, being bounced from one lane to the other as part of someone else’s plan. And so when we can have bigger goals and dreams and bigger goals and dreams that we talk about, bigger goals and dreams that we set action steps for, bigger goals and dreams that maybe we even have some accountability for, whether its in our house or outside of our house, so that as we try these new things on, are they getting us towards our bigger dreams and goals or are they a distraction?
[35:50] Valerie: Love it. I everyone should ponder on that point because it is a balance. It's not like a this or that. I've learned we really need to pay attention to where something is taking us. Because sometimes it can be that we gave up too early. Sometimes it could be that we stuck around too long and only you really can know the truth. Like, no one can tell you that. And, yeah, it could be very tricky if you're not used to using that muscle.
[36:26] Carman: Yeah. And it's like, it's so powerful. Like, I've been doing probably for four, I would say, six years loosely, I've been leaning into strategic planning of my own. It's like, where do I want to go? And when I first started, I floundered around like you wouldn't believe. And I'm just like, put the book away. Okay? We're going to come back in a year and pull the book out. And maybe I've done some of these things. Now it's part of, like, every four months, I look at where am I going? What am I doing to get myself there? And it's like a north star. And it's so powerful to be able to connect with like minded people strategically, systematically, and look at where I'm going, what's worked, what hasn't worked, what's a distraction. And the funny thing that I just. It's funny and not all at the same time is because I don't know that it matters what your faith is that there is a greater cosmic plan. We can call it cosmic plan. We can call it divine. We can call it whatever we want. There is a greater plan and we do not know what it is. And we tend to think that we know what it is. It's like, oh, in three years, I'm going to be here. I'm going to have this car, I'm going to be having this job, and this. And then three years down the road, you're, like, nowhere near there. Because that wasn't in the greater plan. And it's kind of funny and it's kind of not. But there's this part of surrendering and trusting as we walk this path of when we have these rising from the ashes moments, it's like, okay, what's different? Where am I going? How can we take what I've learned and move myself forward, trusting that this life is going to be amazing for me and I need to show up in it? Because I think sometimes we forget that. It's just like, are we intentionally showing up as our best selves? And I think that's where you and I come in, Valerie. It's just like, we are cheering the people on that we work with. It's just like, how can you be your best self? And like you said, we're not telling you what you need to do. We are supporting you so that you can mine your own wisdom and experiences so that you could start to take those action steps, that you can start to listen to that inner dialogue, listen to what your body says so that then you're no longer relying on someone else to tell you what to do. It's just like, turn to that inner wisdom that we all have. It might be covered up. And that's what you and I do, is we help people mine their wisdom in the beginning. We hold their hand more, and then as they build those skills, they can fly with it and take it wherever they want because they're so much more in touch with who they are, where they want to go, and what's going to support them and who's going to support them. And it's not easy. Like, I want to throw that out there. It's. It's not easy. You do hard, and I don't think they're any harder than the stuff you're doing now, but they get you results on the other side where you can actually see the life you really desire and head in that direction.
[39:27] Valerie: We talk a lot about building kind of like an infrastructure or structure for success, right. Whatever the success might be. But what you want your mentees to get out of your journey. Do you have specific tenets that you work on or, like, you know, in. In your book? Do you talk about things that should be mastered or could be mastered in order to propel people forward towards their more authentic self?
[39:57] Carman: Well, I think taking care of yourself with that idea of quality sleep, nutrition, and that downtime, whether it looks like and movement, those kind of can kind of intertwine. And so there's that key piece of how do we take care of ourselves? Because we can't go on this journey or this quest when we can barely get out of bed. Like, I feel like that is point one where we need to get ourselves out of bed and get a little bit of our energy back. And for teachers, like, it's so class, our classroom time is so valuable. And so I think it's really, really important to, to be intentional about what are you creating in your classrooms? And you can replace classrooms with, you know, business, you can replace classrooms with, you know, corporate office, whatever you want. But it's like, how are you taking care of your people? And in a classroom, that's your students? So how are you creating a brave space to help relax their nervous systems? Because we don't want a room full of 40 kids in fight or flight mode. So what are you doing in your classroom that helps those kids calm their nervous system. If I'm doing ten breaths five times a day with the students in my class, it's calming their nervous systems, and it's also calming my nervous system. As the teacher, we used to joke, I used to take kids out at 02:00 in the afternoon. It was like, no questions asked. 02:00 in the afternoon. And it was like they'd be like, it's very. It's 02:00. I'm like, okay, drop everything, and we go outside for ten minutes. Because it gave us all a mental and physical and emotional break. It changed the landscape, got us out of the room, shifted the energy, and then they came back, and we all could stand each other for the afternoon. Not just the kids, right? It's not just the kids. It's me, too. So those are a couple things as far as that, self care. And then one of the things that I've been using in my coaching, and if I was to go back to teaching, I would use it. Drew Dudley wrote a book called this is day one leadership. And he has, I think, there's almost 50 values in there, and he defines them, and then he gives action driving questions, and the intention around the action driving questions. And looking at those values is when we get clear on our own values, they help us make aligned decisions, and when we can make aligned decisions, I feel like it gets us on track a little bit quicker, helps us be less distracted and focus on who we want to be. Whether you're five or 15 or 18 or 48, when we know our values, we can lean into them. And when we teach kids that as an anchor point, whether you're in the room or not, they can continue to use that as an anchor point for the decisions that they make as they continue to grow that identity of who they are and who they want to be. And so I really feel in classrooms, it's super powerful to teach what we're living as adults. Like, how do we teach community? How do we teach friendship? How do we teach what does it look like to support? And I feel like the piece that we talked about earlier of not just telling them, right. It's like we need to walk them through it. They need to practice it. They need to know it's going to go sideways and the **** is going to hit the fan, and then we come back from it, and then we do it differently or not. There's this whole part of life that's practice that comes from our belief systems as we're overcoming them and as we decide the ones we want to keep and the ones we want to get rid of because they don't align with who we want to be. So I feel like when we teach kids that in age appropriate language from when they're small, it changes the course of who they choose to be because it gives them an anchor point.
[43:49] Valerie: Let's close off with this question. If you were to be able to give a person, you could be a student or a fellow teacher three essential questions to help guide their lives. What three questions would pop up, or what three questions pop up in your mind now?
[44:09] Carman: The first one would be, what do you want to create that intentionality? Because when we go into situations with intention, it changes the outcome. And I don't know if this is a new question or this, like, attack on of the other one. Is this just like, how are we grounded in ourselves, in what we believe in and who we want to be? Because sometimes in our day, we get in flap, I'm going to use that phrase, for lack of a better word, where we're just, like, doing the things and we aren't grounded, we aren't connected, and we're not creating what we want to create. And then I feel like the last question would be, what did you do for you today? And that maybe even should be the first question. But that's okay, because I feel like whether we take 30 seconds or 30 minutes or 3 hours in a day, the more moments that we can pause and reconnect with ourselves, the more we're able to show up more authentically and change the world how we want to change it.
[45:20] Valerie: Love it. So I will write those questions down in the show notes so that everyone can ponder them. I've always believed that we should be guided by questions and always be curious to see what we can discover about ourselves, because it's never going to end. And as soon as you think you know everything you know, I think that's when you hit a wall.
[45:47] Carman: Well, I want to, like, I just. I want to finish off with that key piece of ourselves. I was doing some coaching this morning, and we often tend to make it about other people when we can turn it into ourselves. We actually are the ones that control ourselves, and we have a choice to do that because we don't actually have the power to change anybody else. They get to make those choices. But when we turn that back on ourselves and take a look at ourselves, that's where the power is.
[46:16] Valerie: Great.
[46:17] Carman: Thank you so much, Valerie. This has been an amazing conversation.
[46:21] Valerie: Thank you. I am so glad that you came on and were able to share your story, your thoughts. It's so nice to be able to hear another person who thinks deeply on these issues and where we can all go and how to really value ourselves as really divine beings here to make a difference on this earth. So thank you, Carman. How can we find you? Where can we contact you or find your work?
[46:48] Carman: You can. You can find me. You talked about the burning apple at the beginning and I was amused. So you can find me at www. Dot healthyteachers dot ca. And I invite you to scroll to the bottom of the page and there is a burning apple that says bite me. So you can click on the burning apple. That'll give you a bit more about what I'm up to as well. And my book is available at Amazon if you're here in Canada. It's also available at chapters and on my website. There's also a button that you can book a conversation with me if you want to dive deeper into whatever it is you want to talk about, especially if you're a teacher. That's mostly who I work with because I was a teacher. So I get it. I totally get it. So I would love to have a conversation with you. Thank you so much again, Valerie. I so appreciate you sharing your wisdom and finding your voice in this world and creating a podcast. Way to go.
[47:46] Valerie: Thank you, Carman. Thank you so much. Hey listeners, if you're enjoying the stories and insights from from the ashes, why not stay connected with our community? Join my mailing list for bi weekly updates on upcoming events, wellness tips, fun tidbits, and of course, new podcast episodes. I promise, no spam, just valuable content to help you live your best life. Head over to www. Dot intrepidwellness life and sign up today. Don't miss out and let's keep the conversation going.
