[00:00] Valerie: Rise, renew, reconnect. Welcome to from the Ashes, a podcast where every story ignites hope and healing.
[00:19] Valerie: Welcome to from the ashes. I am your host, Valerie Beck, and today we have a really special guest. This is our first interview episode and I have my long time friend Ali Vega here with me today. So before we jump in and I introduce Allie, I want to tell you a little bit of backstory. Allie and I have been friends for ten years now. We met through the LA dance community at what was Boogie zone and we've stayed in touch ever since. And we've seen each other grow in such unexpected ways. And today we both find ourselves in the wellness space as well as navigating our way through the artist space. So Allie is a movement coach and movement artist based in LA. She has choreographed and taught in the US and internationally. She came back from the Philippines earlier this year and she is the director and founder of Ancestral Vision movement and focuses on cultural street fusion. And we can unpack some of that together with her in this episode. So welcome, Allie. Thanks for being here.
[01:39] Ally Vega: Thank you for having me. Yay. I'm really excited to sit and chit chat and Kiki with you. It's an honor to be here. Thank you for having me.
[01:47] Valerie: I am really happy for you to be here. I think you are a perfect fit for from the ashes, rising from the ashes of whatever obstacles we've been through to get stronger and to become more of who we truly are.
[02:04] Ally Vega: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. That's an honor. Thank you. Thank you for what a compliment. Thank you. You know, we both, we both have like been through, through all the ups and downs that ebbs and flows. But like, look at us like we're here, we're doing the thing. So.
[02:21] Valerie: Yeah, yeah. And we're still in the journey. Totally, totally still right in the middle of it. It's like there's so much growth to be had. So I want to start, first of all, if you could give us a little bit more background, because this podcast is about overcoming obstacles and creating ourselves anew. So what does that mean to you.
[02:42] Ally Vega: When you hear that overcoming obstacles? To me, that means flowing, finding a good flow through life and finding the joy in the ebbs and flows. You know, I think a lot of times, because we live in this like, capitalistic state, it's very hard to find joy in the moments of lull right when there's like not anything going on or there's no opportunities happening, and it's very easy to measure your worth and, like, the lack of opportunities and experiences you're getting. So I feel like overcoming those obstacles is just allowing yourself to. Yeah. Find the joy and the peace when, like, the vibes aren't necessarily high, like, when you don't have, like, a crowd cheering for you, you know? And that is a very hard practice. It's a daily practice, but it's a practice that I'm very much leaning into more these days.
[03:46] Valerie: Yeah. And I think we've both had our trials and tribulations. In my first episode, I talk about how I lost my sense of self when I stopped loving dance and how difficult that was because for years, my identity had been as a dancer and how to emerge from that and find myself anew and then also, like, how do I find myself anew as an artist again and find that love and passion again? Like, where did that go? So has there ever been a time in your life where you did feel lost, like, for somehow, like, you had lost that spark?
[04:28] Ally Vega: Yeah, I think for me, and, like, the journey that I'm. I've been on and I'm currently on, it's not so much where, like, I had this period of time where I just completely stopped. I kind of embarrassing and cringy to say it, but I am in the hustle and bustle of the la life. And so, like, my version of, like, I lost myself. It, like, on an exter. On the external side, it just looks like, okay, she's, like, grinding hard, but in that, in the midst of grinding hard, I was definitely just, like, lost in the sauce. Like, I was just kind of, like, saying yes to a lot of things. I'm like, well, I'm supposed to say yes, so, yeah, but really, in the midst of all that, what was going on was, like, I was just giving myself a bunch of busy work, so I was burning myself out. Like, I was really, really burnt out from, like, 2019 to 2020. Like, that was probably a very, like, probably one of the hardest years I've been through in my career because I was just really going hard at the pain, you know? And, like, I was having barely any days off. I was just doing a bunch of gigs, like, whether they were free or not free or, you know, and I was. At that time, I was still building the foundation of ancestral vision movement. So I was really grinding. And, you know, to a lot of young artists who hear that, they're like, yeah, that's, like, what you're supposed to do. And, like, there's truth to that, but there's also, like, there is a balance you can find, and, you know, I'm proud that now I have that balance, and that's something I'm working on very diligently. But back then, it was. It was tough. Like, it was just me, like, burning myself out and, like, convincing myself, like, this is what it's supposed to be. Like. Like, I'm just supposed to be, like, hungry and broke all the time. Like, I don't know what. Like, narratives for, like, feeding ourselves. It's just, okay, life is not supposed to be this hard. You know what I mean? It really is not. So, yeah, I'm glad I'm at a point where I'm, like, past that, but that was, yeah, 2019 to 2020 was like, oh, yeah, those are hard years.
[06:32] Valerie: Okay, so I have a few questions. So at what point did you. And what was the thought when you realized that being hungry and broke was not it?
[06:44] Ally Vega: Yeah. Oh, man. There was, I think, the first time I'm talking about it, but I'm glad I am because it's like a cautionary tale. So I, during that time, was collaborating, I'm going to use that word, collaborating with a nonprofit in LA. And I was. I was brought on as a contractor and soon to be a partner of that to help not just create programming for them, but, like, also to help give ancestral vision movement some foundation. Right. Because when you're creating these new projects and especially a dance company, like, you just need any kind of fiscal support possible. And so this was promising that. And so there was a period of time I was [email protected] pretty often, and we were elaborating on multiple initiatives that me as, like, standalone Allie was doing for them. But then I was also bringing ancestral vision movement along with me. And I hit a breaking point with that because ultimately our values did not match, and it was a very tumultuous time. This was the 2019 thing I was referring to earlier. And so, long story short, I became homeless for, like, a month, but it wasn't homeless. I'm saying that with air quotes only because, like, I have a tremendous support system here in Lambda, and so I was, like, staying with a friend during that. I wouldn't even say a month, maybe like, two weeks. I was staying with a friend for two weeks while I was transitioning out. Long story short with that, I was living in that because it was supposed to be like a residency, and I was, like, transitioning out of there. I was staying with a friend for two weeks. And in those two weeks, I was, like, trying to find a place really quick. It was like, such a. Anyone who knows what that feeling is of, like, I don't have a place to live. How do I do this? You know? It's like, I don't wish that feeling on anyone. That is, like, so stressful. And so I remember that time I was, like, still going to events, which is so insane. Like, I was still going to, like, mixers. I was still doing appearances, red carpet type of stuff, and, like, going home to being like, I don't know where I'm living, you know, which is, like, the most la dystopian thing you could ever hear. But, like, yeah, that is literally what it's like out here. And, yeah, I'm glad I made. I made. I made it through that, but, wow, what a crazy time. Yeah. I don't know if that answered the question. That was, like, the breaking point, though. It was like a breaking point where I'm like, this is a rock bottom. I need to figure out how to not rely so heavily on external people.
[09:34] Valerie: And stuff like that. Yeah, well, I cannot tell you how many. How common that is for dancers, but just a lot of people who come to Hollywood trying to make it. A lot of my friends have had similar stories to you.
[09:48] Ally Vega: Oh, my God. Right? Because it's like, we're just the most vulnerable. You know what I mean? Like, we come here, we're, like vulnerable artists who are trying to obtain consistency and stability of any kind. So when you find it, you're like, oh, my God, this is my ticket. And then when you realize, you're like, oh, no, I'm being exploited. It's like, uh oh, you know what? Now, how do I save myself from this? And it's tough. It's tough. But I just, again, want to echo, like, I just have a really great support system out here in LA, and I'm really glad I have people that genuinely have my back. So when things go down, I just. I know I can roll back onto different people here and there and. Yeah, so I get it. It's tough.
[10:35] Valerie: Yeah.
[10:36] Ally Vega: Been there. Yeah.
[10:37] Valerie: So follow up question would be like, you know, once you did hit that point, what shift in mindset happened and what action did you take that was different?
[10:48] Ally Vega: Ooh. You know, that answer actually didn't come to me until later, and it was one of those things where I just kind of continued to hit the ground running. So a lot of times with patterns, right. You don't really know. You're doing, like, a toxic pattern until you're like, wait a minute, this isn't working. And it might be, like, years down the line. Yeah. And, like, you know, from an outside perspective, someone's like, yeah, clearly you should have changed that. But, like, when you're in, when you're, like, thick in the sauce, it's like you just can't see it. Right? And so when that happened, I think I was. Yeah, I definitely was still just kind of doing what I was always doing. I was just doing it in different spaces, and I was moving around a lot, but it probably wasn't until I was doing workshops again, because when I was with that, I was doing workshops in historic filipino town, and that was my first taste at being like, okay, what does movement healing look like? Because that was basically the workshops I was doing with them. I was creating these, like, movement healing workshops. I wasn't a certified yoga instructor at that time. I was just a mover that knew that I was already engaging in, like, cultural fusion work. And so when this asked me to create, like, a healing space through movement, I was like, yeah, that sounds like something I know how to do, even though I had no formal training in it. But basically, once that situation happened, I hit the ground running again. I started doing those workshops again. And as I continued to do those workshops, when the pandemic happened and everything stopped, I was able to be like, wait, okay, there's something aligned here, that there's something missing. Like, if I'm already. If I'm already engaging in this type of work that's integrating a lot of different disciplines. Like, it's not just creative movement. It's not. It's not even choreography at that point. It's ancestral. It's very instinctual. You know, the thing that I'm missing is the spiritual aspect. And thankfully, during the pandemic, when everything stopped, shout out to people's yoga, which I currently I work for them, they offered a teacher training during that time. And I knew once I saw that, my soul, just, like, I leaped at the opportunity, I was like, I know I'm supposed to do this right now. Like, in the midst of how crazy the shutdown was, I am meant to do this program amidst all this chaos. And so I did. And thank goodness I did it, because, you know, now I'm also currently a yoga instructor, and I love my life as that, you know, it's adjacent to my dance jobs. But it really, like, that framework helped inform this work I do as, like, a cultural fusion artist. So, yeah, I'm grateful for that good?
[13:36] Valerie: Yeah. So that kind of answers that question of, like, how you got into the wellness space. So it sounds like somebody already had recognized in you. Like, this is something that she could be good at. And then you took that and further developed it.
[13:50] Ally Vega: Yes.
[13:51] Valerie: And I can see how, like, ancestral vision movement can be that vehicle for healing. And is that something that you saw when you started it?
[14:02] Ally Vega: You know what's interesting? No, not right away. I mean, even when I started ancestral vision movement, it was never meant to be this, like, dance company. I never sought out to be like, I'm gonna make this dance company because I believe I'm a dance director. Like, I never. That was just never in the cards, but it ended up happening because once I made one piece, like, I made. There was the first AVM piece I ever debuted was back in 2017, and it wasn't even called ancestral vision movement back then. It was just, I was debuting a piece for a showcase, and I knew I wanted to do cultural fusion work because I was inspired by my trip in the Philippines in 2016, and then that piece was then commissioned to be performed more at different spaces around LA. And that was when I knew, I think I have something special. But at the time, it wasn't even an organized structural thing. It was just me being like, all right, let's just ask the homies who's free to do this thing with me? Like, I really did that for a year. It's just insane. People are always shocked when they hear that because they're like, why didn't you just know? Like, that was already a company at that point. I was like, I didn't. Because I was just in denial. I was like, oh, no, this is just Ali Vega and her friends doing a thing, which sounds so silly in retrospect, but, like, I really did function like that for a year, until the end of 2018. I remember my cast. We were getting ready for a show in December, and the current cast I had at that time sat with me and basically just was like, why don't you just make this official? And I sat there going like, yeah, you're right. Why don't I make it official? What is stopping me? And it really was fear. I was afraid to create something this big because I was like, I just didn't know if I was capable of leading it, you know? And I didn't know if I was qualified to lead something like this. But the reality was I was already doing it right. I was already doing it without the title. But I just now, with the title, I got so like, nervous to put myself in that headspace, but I'm really glad I had a good group of friends at that time dancing with me because they. They grounded me, so I really appreciate that. Yeah, that's where we're at now, and thank goodness.
[16:24] Valerie: Yeah. So you said something really interesting about that fear and just not acknowledging your own power. I want to dig a little bit into that because I feel like that's something that I've definitely gone through and struggled with. And to a certain point, probably still I'm struggling with is, how do you overcome that limiting belief, and where do you think it comes from?
[16:51] Ally Vega: Oh, wow, that's a great question. It's a question that first has to start with a sigh out. Where do you think it comes from? I feel like it's. Yeah, it's the intergenerational trauma, especially if you're a person of color and you have immigrant parents, and it doesn't even matter how many generations your family's been here in the western, that. That carries. That carries over to you. And so when, you know, I'm Filipino American and I'm second generation Filipino, which means my parents immigrated here. My dad immigrated here when he was a teenager, and my mom immigrated here when she was in her mid twenties. And so I come from, like, a whole lineage of colonized people. And how that carries over to the present is that. Yeah, trauma carries. Trauma is stored in the body. Anyone who is an embodied movement worker, like the two of us and anyone else who's listening, knows that if you don't work through that, it stays in the DNA, and it gets passed down to generations after generations. And if you're not doing the internal work to break those curses and allow and liberate yourself, then it just continues to pass down, whether through your DNA or just whoever you're in community with. And so, yeah, that's where it comes from. How do you break it? Yeah, it's a daily practice. It's a daily practice of, like, knowing yourself so well. Putting yourself first all the time is so hard, especially for, like, women of color. We're always taught we are the last on the list to be loved. You know what I mean? And so it's really hard to go against these teachings that we've been taught our entire lives, you know, and to unlearn that and to choose ourselves first is very hard. It's like, that's why I say it's a daily practice. I say that all the time in my yoga classes. It's. There's a reason we call it practice. Right. I have to, like, do it every day until that muscle is just, like, working itself naturally. But if you're unlearning something, this is going to feel so foreign on you in the beginning, and it does feel foreign, you know, to say no to others and say yes to yourself, it feels selfish, which is insane, because, like, men are not taught that. They're like, wow, that's so brave of you to say yes to all these things. But, like, for us, as women, we're always taught, like. Like, how dare you? You know, and. And so to reject that narrative and to walk your own path is. Is quite brave in this society. And so, yeah, I just think as long as we stay in that practice of healing ourself, which in turn will heal others, which in turn ripples out to everyone around us, like, that's how we break it.
[19:43] Valerie: I really like your answer. And I like that you say that it's a daily practice. And, like, knowing self is really important because in the yoga sutras, they talk about self study.
[19:52] Ally Vega: Yes.
[19:53] Valerie: And that knowing yourself, you know, studying your own and getting to know your own intuition and felt sense is absolutely vital to your well being.
[20:06] Ally Vega: Yes. And in a capitalist society, we are not taught to rely on that. Right. There's no monetary value in placing importance on intuition. And that's so dangerous. Right? Because it's like, okay, if we're not placing it on intuition, then who the hell are we listening to, right? And that is dangerous. That is just so dangerous, because now your entire, all of agency, all of choice, is just not your own. So we're just answering to external beings that we don't even know. Like, that's insane. And so, yeah, to have that daily practice that the yoga sutras go talk about of just answering self, knowing self so well and taking the time to be still and really have that dialogue with yourself is just so vital in understanding how to break intergenerational curses.
[20:57] Valerie: Yeah. And, you know, like you said, this is not something that we're taught to value. And it was only until I was, like, at rock bottom emotionally that I started to study my own thoughts and I started to study on my own patterns. And so it's just like looking at my environment, the people around me, like, they don't at all think about how they talk to themselves in their heads and how that impacts everything that they do and everything that happens to them in their life.
[21:30] Ally Vega: Yes, yes. I mean, it's tough, right? I mean, like, as embodied practitioners, it's. You can only do so much for other people, you know, because at the end of the day, it's such an internal practice. So if folks are not arriving to that journey on their own terms, it's like, there's only so much, like, coaxing we can do out of people. And I've had to learn that the hard way. As an instructor. It's. Look, I'm going to give tools. That's all we could do, right? Like, you just give tool and, you know, whether you use it, that's on you. I'm here as a resource. These are tools, you know, and it's tough because it's, like, it's hard to watch people self destruct. Right? And so. But, yeah, part of doing this work is also knowing how to protect your own peace. And when you see people self destructing out here because they just don't know how to trust their intuition and be with self and slow down, it's. It's hard. But you kind of have to be like, well, you're dealing with that. I need to protect my peace. I've said all I needed to say. You know, I can only help you. I can only throw so many, like, life vests for you until you're just covered in life vests and you're not using any of the life vests, and you continue to drown. Like, there's only so much. Right?
[22:44] Valerie: Oh, yeah, so true.
[22:46] Ally Vega: Right? And, like. Cause at the end of the day, they really do have to just be like, oh, I didn't realize how many life vests you've been throwing me. I'm fine now. You know? And, ****, it's. It's tough. It's really tough. And I think, you know, for any embodied practitioners that are listening in, it's. It's, you know, you're doing. We're all doing our jobs, you know, as long as you are practicing what we've been taught and you're applying it in your practice both on and off the mat and in your daily lives, it's like, we're doing the work, y'all. And I just wanted to validate people because I understand it could be so, you know, frustrating to be like, how are these people around me just, like, not doing the thing, you know? Because, like, I totally get it. I still get. You know, I'm in my ego, too. I still get frustrated when people around me are not engaging in the practice, and they're just, like, still engaging in very, like, self destructive habits. And it's just like, okay, like, I can't do anything for you until, like, you wake up, you know, but that's like. I guess that's just part of the human condition, right? Yeah.
[23:48] Valerie: Yeah, actually, so I was teaching a mental health workshop this morning, and with, like, ayurveda yoga perspective, and we were talking about the gunas, like, the clarity and the turbulence and the ignorance or darkness. Right. And it's just that we cannot blame people for being where they're at.
[24:06] Ally Vega: Yes. Oh, that was. That was such a hard pill to swallow when I first learned about that, you know, especially when talking about intergenerational trauma and, like, offering that type of, like, radical acceptance to our parents, because these are people that may or may not invert you. And so, like, coming to that awareness of, we can't blame them for not knowing certain things. You know, they're only equipped with so much. And. And I'm speaking from, like, an immigrant experience, right. It's like I was born in this country with a very different upbringing and very different environment. So, of course, like, I have a privilege of just knowing more. And so, yeah, it's. It was tough to, like, come to that acceptance, and it took me years. It took me years, right? So it's like. It took me, like, years of understanding myself as a person and going into therapy and, like, going into my yoga training and then taking time away to, like, be in the Philippines for three months. Like, it took me a long time. And I'm still unpacking that now, you know, and I'm learning a lot about it now. And I. Yeah, for folks who are, like, wondering how to do that work, it's like, you just really gotta start now. There's no better time than now to really start listening to your inner desires. You know, these questions that you're always, like, pushing down and these desires that you're pushing down, and you're like, I've always wanted to be a singer, but, like, that's stupid. It's like, well, who said that was. And that's tough, right? Cause those are, like, childhood wounds. It's. It's tough that, you know, when you confront it, but, you know, the brave thing is to confront it. It is. And then you can get past that and work through that and give yourself a new narrative to believe.
[25:52] Valerie: This gets me to a really interesting thought on desire versus need and how we're conditioned to think only about needs and to push down our desires. And even. Even spiritual texts say desires. No, sometimes. But, you know, how do you get beyond just a survival mode if you're only thinking about your needs?
[26:14] Ally Vega: Right? That's so true, you know, because humans, like, no matter what spiritual practice, anyone follows listening. It's like, humans, like, we're ego driven beings. There's no version of us that's like. And I've erased it all. Unless you're, like, a monk, that's just, like, you know, away from society and all things, right? But, like, we are ego driven beings, and there's nothing wrong with that. Like, it's okay to, like, lean into these desires of, like, you know, I do want to make six figures a year, and I think we just. We just need to not shy away from those desires. Because I feel like in wellness spaces, it's just so taboo to even say that, because it's, like, not you not being equitable and, like, you know, and it's like, okay, it's okay. There's a world where this balance can exist. And I'm not going to judge people unless they're trying to say, like, I'm trying to be a billionaire. And it's like, okay, let's unpack that, sis. You know? Like, but I'm like, but if you're just like, I desire good things in my life. I desire to, like, be loved and be taken care of and, you know, live a soft life. What is wrong with that? We think about, like, what our ancestors were doing. Like, I mean, it's a very different time. They didn't have all this, like, blitz and glam and technology around them, so it's not like they had all these distractions, but, like, who are we to say, like, they had no distractions whatsoever? Like, you know what I mean? So, yeah, we're. We are humans with ego, and, like, that is just normal. That's just normal. And I think the more we just lean into that and can control it. Right. And that's, like, what all these spiritual practices teach us is, like, we need to manage it. So you're not just only driven by ego. There's so many spiritual practices. There's like, yeah, don't do that. But, like, it's not like you can eliminate it completely. So, I don't know. I think, yeah, sometimes the. The discourse that surrounds ego, like, we just really need to, like, check in with, like, how we're talking about it because, yeah, I'm someone that's. I'm not going to deny it. Like, I want cool things. Like, and then what? You're going to tell me I'm a bad person? Explain that. You know what I mean?
[28:22] Valerie: So, yeah, I feel like the narrative is definitely skewed and again, going back to yoga philosophy because, like, it just seems to have a lot of wisdom is they talk about how fulfilling your dharma, right, your higher calling or whatever it is being pulled, actually creates the environment for abundance, wealth, which creates the environment for enjoyment and pleasure. And that's a natural progression. It's not, it's not taboo. It's so.
[28:50] Ally Vega: Yeah, and it's not selfish. Yeah, because it's like, again, we're taught if you're desiring these things and you're only working for the motivation of self, that's so selfish. Like, what about everyone on your. Behind you? And it's like if you're elevating and you're connected with universe and other people around you, that natural progression, everyone else lives up with you, you know? And I think that's the narrative we need to be, like, really leaning into. Because it's. Yeah, it can be so detrimental when people are like, oh, I can't want things because that's so selfish of me. But it's like. Or if you deserve it, like, what's wrong with that's okay to want things? What's not okay is if you hoard it. Right? Like, if you get, like, success and you just like, never share it with anyone, then, yeah, like, that's not good. And then, yeah, we have a yoga sutra for that too. Right? Like, don't have, like, we can't be storing all this excess, you know, so we gotta, like, trim it down. Which means in, like, in a monetary sense, it's like, yeah, just give that back. That's it. Let that be cyclical. Let that energy cycle in, cycle out, cycle inside. But, like, what's wrong with having more energy if you're pouring your heart and soul and your entire being back into the universe? Like, that is so much energy you're putting out there. Of course you should be getting that back tenfold, you know? So I think, again, yeah, the more we can lean into that discourse, the healthier we're all going to be. But again, yeah, folks. It takes a while for folks to arrive to this type of, yeah, this discourse and this mentality. Because you're right, it does kind of take some sign of some sort of life changing situation to happen. Like, whether it's like a rock bottom or some sort of abrupt life transition where you have time to really be with your thoughts and by yourself and in a capitalistic society, it's very hard, right. Because it's like, when are people afforded that you have to really, you know, one want it, but to also have the luxury of time to do that. And it's very hard in our country. Like, you know, and I could, I can acknowledge my privilege as someone here in the US. Like, it's very hard. I mean, a lot of people are just living day to day, so it is very tough to, like, be afforded this luxury of, like. Well, now I'm going to think. But I personally believe, again, as people who study the sutras and who, like, use it as like, a daily practice, there is always a way, even if it's five minutes of your day or two minutes of your day, or, I mean, if you have more time, that's even better. But there is time. And I think those practices are there, those readings are there for us to understand how to apply it in the modern sense of the world. Yeah. Yeah.
[31:47] Valerie: So then I want to dive a little bit more specifically into this abundant scarcity mindset with artists because it's a sticky situation and it's very common for artists to give everything away and take nothing for themselves.
[32:04] Ally Vega: Oh, my God. Yeah.
[32:04] Valerie: Especially dancers.
[32:06] Ally Vega: Especially dancers. Especially dancers. Like, we're just like the tortured souls that are like, just take it all and I'll, it's okay if I never eat again. Why are we like this? Oh, my God. Oh, it stresses me out. Yeah.
[32:23] Valerie: And we very much are, like, collectively like this. And it's, it's just so strange that, I mean, it just seems like a huge agreement that, like, none of us are going to make money.
[32:35] Ally Vega: Yeah. Yeah, it's. Man, I think that's where we, as folks who are dismantling systems of oppression, we really need to investigate what these jobs are to us. Like, what is our relation to these jobs? Because if you find value in this work, then that value deserves compensation. Right. And everything is a. An exchange, whether there is a monetary exchange happening or an energetic exchange happening, there's always an exchange. And so when you start to see every interaction as that, then it's easy to be like, well, if I'm doing, if I'm providing this service, whether it's in the form of, like, a performance or if you're teaching or whatever, then it's easy to be like, well, what's the exchange like? What am I getting out of it? And like, when you're being told, like, the exchange is like a peanut, then it's like, wait a minute, this makes no sense. It's not equal. And that's when folks can start to advocate for themselves. Right? It's. If I know I'm putting so much work into this craft. And this organization is asking me to teach this, this, this and this and do it for this amount of money. And you're like, wait a minute. This is not adding up. Then we can feel empowered to be like, wait, no. Like, first of all, as a practitioner, this is how much I'm worth. And, you know, everyone could put a different price point on that. But again, it takes knowing yourself very well. So if you know, like, how many years of training you've been putting into the craft and how long you've been. Yeah, like, refining your craft. Yeah. Get your money's worth. Like, it doesn't matter if you're just a first year teacher. And it's like, I'm still a newbie at this. You know, you've been dancing for, like, over ten years. That's experience. So use that. But, like, believe that. Believe in it. Believe in the value of that. And that's the other component. It's like, you know, when we're taught not to value these jobs, of course we're lowballing everything. Oh, my God. This is like bringing up, like, a conversation I had with my dad recently. It's like, whoa, you know, deja vu. Yeah. When we're just taught to see jobs as, like, that's worth it. That's not worth it. That is low. That's not, you know, it's like. Or we could just see the value in all jobs. In all jobs, everyone is providing a service from, like, the sanitation department to, you know, a CEO, there's a service being provided. So it's like we as a society can, like, create that number of what. What is that exchange look like? If this person is providing this service, like, what does that, like, what is the value of that? And I think it's a powerful thing. As people, as people who have, you know, voting rights here. Like, we can set the price point. We can set the value, you know, and we can create the discourse that surrounds that and we don't have to just settle. Why are we out here being like, well, I'm a dancer, and that's just what it is. Like, it comes with the territory. We're always going to make peanuts. It's like, who said that? Like, why? You know, like, I refuse to believe that. Like, I think our jobs are so incredibly hard, and it takes a very special person to, like, do it for a living. So why on earth would I ever sit here and be like, yeah, this job is not valuable to society at all. I'm like, I would beg to differ. Society needs us. Oh, my God, more than ever, they need us. People are, like, craving to be in their body. They're craving to, like, feel strong and empowered and liberated. And who better than a dancer to teach that? So, yeah, they need us. They need us.
[36:20] Valerie: Absolutely. And I was looking at the other day, so there are different levels of things you can sell and the level of value people are willing to pay for them. So, like, goods are at the bottom, right? The tangible stuff, then you have, like, the services, and then, like, all the way up at the top is transformation. It's the most valuable. And I think as dancers, we forget the transformational power of our movement and that we can change somebody's lives for the better.
[36:46] Ally Vega: Oh, that's so beautiful. Oh, I love that. That's being valid. Yeah. As it should be. You know, like, I'm sure in your work, you've probably seen it. In my work, I've seen it too. It's like, people want to be able to feel powerful in their body because that translates to all the other aspects in their life. That translates to them going to the DMV and being like, I'm confident walking in here, and I know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing in here. It sounds so silly, but when you have this spiritual practice, you know that all of these things are connected. That's why when people see folks who have an embodied movement practice and we always walk with, like, such a presence into every room. Yeah. Because we train ourselves to do that. It's not just like, you know, like, oh, I woke up today, and, like, I guess I'm feeling confident. It's. It's literally a muscle you're practicing. Like, not even, like, yes, it's a physical muscle you're stretching out, but it's a mental muscle you're, like, consistently visiting over and over and over until you, like, it's all connected. Right? Like, your mind, body, and soul are connected in this alignment belief that, okay, now every room, it doesn't really matter who I'm talking to. I'm always going to be in this centered *** place where I can speak from this. Yeah. Like, I'm speaking my truth no matter who I'm talking to. I don't have to code switch. I don't have to, like, feel small in this person's presence, but then I could feel big in this. In this person's presence. It's like, no, I'm just the same version of myself in every situation, and it just takes a lot of practice to get to that. But, um, that's why it's a practice.
[38:25] Valerie: Yeah. And I'll be the first one to say, because when I burned out on my dance career in 2016 and I stopped believing in the power of dance, I also stopped believing in myself. And I took a dance class the other day, and. And I was going through, like, a rough day, and I just, like, I almost cried because I was, like, when I step into this room, even if it's just taking class, I feel so unstoppable. I see myself moving. I see the way that I can dance. I'm like. I am an entirely different person.
[39:00] Ally Vega: Yeah.
[39:01] Valerie: So, you know, like, if. You know, you know, it's.
[39:05] Ally Vega: No, you know, I get. Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. Because that's so real. That's so real. Like, when you. Whatever type of movements that you're engaging in, but specifically, because we're both dancers, we. We really know this feeling very well. Once you're in it, it's like a meditation. It's a movement meditation, you know, because you're allowing yourself to just trust instinct, trust your body, trust that. Like, I'm moving in the way that I'm meant to move in this moment. No one else is forcing me to move. I'm moving. And that's such a power. It really is in a society that, like, everything else, is dictated by other things. How special is it as a mover to have the agency to move in the way you want and. Yeah. To have that type of language and, like, movement training, you got to put in the work. Right. You want your body to be healthy and strong to do that and to have that type of language to move like that. Right. Whatever. However you're expressing. And so that's. That's why it's such. It's a craft, you know? Like, not everyone can do it well, I want to rephrase that. Everyone has the capability of doing it. They just have to step into that power and that belief and that mindset. Right. Because I firmly believe it. But when I work with certain clients who are, like, I can tell the narrative. They're always telling themselves is like, I'm not meant to do this, and I can't. I see how you're moving, and I can't move like that. There's only so much of, like, who told you that? Like, I can say, right. It's. I. I want you to know that you are worthy of moving that way. You just gotta, like, allow yourself and give yourself permission to do it. And that's something I hope that more people can step into in this year of the dragon, you know, is, like, just giving themselves permission to have the audacity, to have the boldness to, like, step into these things and. And be that person. Just be that person. Like, oh, I take a dance class once a week. Like, be that person. Even if the rest of your family's like, I'm sorry, what are you doing? Like, who cares?
[41:21] Valerie: I'm not.
[41:21] Ally Vega: They're not living your life. Who cares? You know? Like, the other day, I was telling my. Or something new I've been doing is I started training in martial arts this year, and I've been training, and it's. I've been training in martial arts this year, and I've done it before, but this is my first time really, seriously training in it, and it's been such a lovely journey because it's given me a whole other set of movement vocabulary that I haven't had before. I know how to tap into aggression as a dancer, but to tap into aggression as a martial artist is such a different mindset. And so that's what I've been having a lot of fun with lately is, like, like, now I can express aggression and rage in this way. And it feels so. It feels really liberating. It feels so good. It's, like, very cathartic, you know, because I'm like, ah. Oh, my God. This, like, powerful. Oh, this feeling I'm feeling. Or I'm like, I want to, like, punch something, and now I have the technique and, like, the framework to do it. You know, that's what movement training is. That's how powerful it can be. It's so cool, you know, as a dancer, as a mover, as an artist, as a movement artist, like, we can have that framework to, you know, do this type of work in. Yeah.
[42:36] Valerie: Are you doing filipino martial arts?
[42:38] Ally Vega: I am. I'm doing filipino martial arts, and it's been so lovely. And because I've been training with a friend of mine who has been an instructor for years, she doesn't teach at any spaces anymore. She just does it. She did, like, privates with friends and stuff. Shout out to Nikki and. Yeah, no, I tell her after every session, I'm like, man, I feel, like, so badass right now. Like, I really. I leave going, like. And, you know, for audio listeners, I'm, like, popping my collar right now. I leave going, like, period, you know? And I want everyone to feel that, like, when it, like, boggles my mind when people are like, I don't like when they hear me say that and they're like, I've never felt that. And I'm like, why you should be able to access that feeling, it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be a martial arts form. You could do that with anything. Like, you could put on a jacket and be like, yes. You know what I mean? Everyone should have access to those feelings. Like, you are so worthy of accessing those feelings, expressing it so unapologetically. I wish that for us all.
[43:41] Valerie: Yes, absolutely. And I totally feel you on the martial arts too, because Capoeda helped me with that. And the way that Capoeda is, it's so dependent on the people around you.
[43:57] Ally Vega: Yes. Yeah.
[43:58] Valerie: And you have to be present. Like, when you're dancing, you actually don't have to be present to anyone but yourself a lot of the time because it's not social and you don't have anyone to spar with unless you're doing, like, something in total battle. But, yeah, but when it comes to sparring, you have to be very aware. If someone is going to swipe over at your head, you need to duck. Right. And it's just like recognizing also the energy and the reaction that you have to being swiped at.
[44:27] Ally Vega: Yes, yes.
[44:28] Valerie: Because some of us do not take that well.
[44:30] Ally Vega: Yeah.
[44:30] Valerie: Or if we get nicked, we do not take that well. And just, like, we really have to check our reactions to things too, so it adds another level of self awareness.
[44:38] Ally Vega: I agree.
[44:39] Valerie: Yeah.
[44:40] Ally Vega: Oh, I love this layer that we're bringing in. Yeah, it's totally true. Like, you have to be so hyper aware of your surroundings and, like, and, you know, with movements like capoetta and Filipino martial arts, FMA for short, it's like, there's, like, a rhythm to it, you know? And so if you're not really listening and diving deep into that rhythm and feeling connected to it, you're right, you will get nicked. And it's like, oh, that sucks, you know? Like, it's like you just don't want to ever feel. No one ever wants to feel that, you know? Because then you'll feel, like, inadequate and you'll be like, I could have easily blocked that. I'm not sure why I'm not doing well, you know? But that's why I love martial arts, because it really does bring in this, like, additional framework of, I mean, yes, have, like, heightened sense of your surroundings and then just being powerful in your body, you know, which, again, dance and other forms of movement can also bring. You're. You're completely correct in that. Like, martial arts provides it in a, in a sense of like, you have to do with other people. So it's like you have to be connected to the other people around you, whether it's a person you're sparring with or like, you're just doing it in community with one another. It's, yeah, it's such a great practice to help you feel present, and I love it. Yes.
[45:55] Valerie: So the last topic that I wanted to touch on is asian american identity and mental health. And I think this ties back to ancestral vision movement, too. And just navigating mental health as an Asian American has been tricky. And I've noticed this for myself is that even though I have been such a champion of mental health my entire career, since I've been in college, I still don't necessarily, like, I've barely seen any therapist. Like, I've. I've very much done my own wellness journey. And it's like, hard for us to ask for help.
[46:31] Ally Vega: Yes.
[46:32] Valerie: Right.
[46:33] Ally Vega: Yeah, I completely understand and agree it is hard. We're not taught that in many of our cultures, which is, you know, it's kind of interesting to see that because, you know, Asia is so big. Right. But, like, collectively, we all have a very common experience of, like, our families not having the bandwidth to engage in that. How do I prioritize, like, my mental well being? It's, yeah, so many of us, especially if you come from, like, communities of, like, you know, like, yeah, your parents are immigrants, or if they are immigrants and they come here and they're just trying to, like, create stability and they're, if they're working a lot and if there's a language barrier, you know, there's other factors at play. And the last thing in their, on their to do list is like, do I feel good today? You know what I mean? And, and that's what makes me sad that, you know, that's just like, the last on their to do list because, you know, they're in survival mode. And that's why, like, for us as diaspora, it's so important to, like, because we've been given this opportunity of being born here at least. Like, in my experience, I'm like, I'm born here. And so I have a different framework from, like, what my parents, how they grew up in. And so because I had that privilege, it's like, it is my duty to embody that and then share that with everyone around me and teach it to the next generation. And it is hard. It is incredibly hard because if people are not tending to their childhood wounds, this is a very hard journey to walk because then we're just living in this narrative of, you know, my dad, my mom doesn't believe in me and I'm like, I'm hurt, you know, like, you're just living that narrative over and over and over. And I see it all the time in, like, asian american adults, like, let alone asian american artists. That's a whole other community. But really it's like, yeah, like, we're just looking for validation because our parents didn't give it to us. And it's just like, oh, it's so rough. That's why community is so important and crucial. And, you know, that's why on a tangent here. I get frustrated when I hear people talk about La being a very lonely city and everyone's just so, like, fake and not trustworthy. And I get so, like, man, you're just looking in the wrong places because there's so much love and community here. And when you lean into it wholeheartedly, that could be a place where chosen family could be found, you know? And if you allow yourself to really lean into those spaces for support. But if we, you know, if we have our guard up all the time and we're just walking around, like, really in our childhood wound, like, if we're just coming from that place, then of course you're just going to be like, everyone cold here, but it's like, you're cold here, you know? Like, it's like, it starts with you. Like, if you're putting that energy out, then of course it's reflected back at you. But if you come with an openness for love and experiences and opportunities, then, like, that gets reflected back to you. But of course, like, you know, the moment you're open, of course you're vulnerable to anything. So, yes, you will get hurt, but, like, know that it's, like, not the end of the world. And. And that's why having community is so important. Because it's like when you do have those moments of being betrayed and feeling hurt, then, you know, like, hey, I have people that have my back when it's not feeling great right now, like, when it's really rough. I've been through those times. I mean, I mentioned it earlier once, you know, but. But there was, like, so many other times outside of that one time where I've, like, really felt a rock bottom and I've really felt inadequate and not loved and not worthy. But the common thing that had really kept me going has been to lean into community and know that there's support there and so I hope Asian Americans can continue to find that sense of belonging. Everyone is coming at it from a different lens, right? So it's like your proximity to your culture. Like some of us, you know, if you grow up in it, you're like, oh, that's easy. There was asian people around me all times. I was at a festival all the time. You know, it's like, it's. So for some folks, it's easy. But for folks who are coming from, like, other parts of the country where maybe you were the only asian person at your school and you've had to, like, there's, like, pressure to assimilate, then it's. It is hard, right? Cause they were like, I feel weird, like, stepping into that. I don't feel worthy. And, like, those are just examples of, like, stuff I've heard, which. It's sad, but I can also understand that as someone who, you know, I was once young and I also once felt that way. I understand that feeling. But just know that you're. To any Asian American listening to this, you're totally one welcome and too worth it. Like, you are so worthy of, like, claiming your culture. This is not, like, cool kids club that you're like, oh, you're not loud at. You're too americanized. It can't be here. Like, that. Does that type of toxic thinking. Just throw it away, please. Throw it away? Yeah, throw it away. Reject it. Because it's like, it's not beneficial to anyone who is that benefiting other than, like, white supremacy. Let's be real, right? So you can throw that away and reject it and know that it's never too late to step into your cultural identity, and it's never too late to feel that sense of belonging. And so because I know maybe folks listening to this might be like, I don't know where to start. Just literally go to, like, one event, maybe one festival, one night market, whatever it is. It sounds silly, but it's not. It's like, if it's a. If it's a place where people are gathering, just go and see what's up. And if you're like, this feels awkward, but also, I'm. I'm interested and curious about where. What this is, then just stay. Like, listen to that curiosity and stay. Because you belong there. You belong there. Even if you're like, this isn't me. Like, it is you. And it's. It's. It doesn't have to necessarily. If you're like, let's say you're at an open mic and people are talking about things that are. You're like, I don't know how to relate to this. Like, it's okay if you're like, your entry point is just, well, I was at a night market and people are just eating cool things. Stay there, right? Just stay there. And then you can, like, work your way into other spaces and other forms of expression, you know, because that's really how all of us start. I actually got asked the other day because, you know, I am someone that is proud of my community and I'm very heavily involved in many community spaces. I got asked, like, how I did it, and I'm like, what do you mean? How did I do it? Like, I just. I am this, therefore I was there. And, you know, this was like a BIPOC person, you know, asking me that. I'm like, just go. You deserve to go. Like, if this is where people of color are congregating and are, like, you know, engaging in these forms of expression, whether it's like, forms of dance or, like, cinema, filmmaking, poetry, like, go. Just go. Even if you're like, your first experience is like, I am a fly on the wall here because I feel so awkward. That's fine. Just go and then see how you can continue to, like, feel at home there. But anyways, I bring all that up because it ties into the mental health aspect. If you don't see yourself as someone who belongs, then it's hard to, like, engage in that part of yourself when you're going through mental health. Like, when you're talking about or engaging in your own mental health. Right. It's, if you feel like I'm out of my body, you know, all the time, then of course it's hard to be like, how do I take care of my body? Oh.
[54:38] Valerie: And so this just ties back into a very general mental health conversation because I went to a trauma conference last year and there was a presenter that says. Said that the antidote to trauma is belonging.
[54:52] Ally Vega: Oh, I love that.
[54:53] Valerie: Right? When we don't, we don't feel like we could trust anybody else, and when we don't feel like we can trust ourselves, then who do we have, right? And, you know, I think as an Asian American, I've always felt different levels of belonging with people because I have a very complicated history of growing up in a non asian neighborhood and then moving to a more asian neighborhood and not feeling like I fit into either of those. And it's just like, at some point you do have to just embrace yourself and acknowledge that no matter where you go, you do belong. Yeah, you do belong.
[55:31] Ally Vega: Absolutely.
[55:32] Valerie: And you have your own unique power and that's all you need.
[55:36] Ally Vega: Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. And. And it's a journey. Like, I know we keep using that word and we also keep using the word practice, but both of those things are just, it's so true here. It's, people don't, like, wake up and are, like, already this enlightened being. It takes work. I just want to encourage folks. Don't be afraid to do the work. You know, the work is there for you to do. And it can be fun and such a beautiful experience, because if you find people, like other like minded people around you that are also doing the same work, this could be so healing and so fun. And that's what ancestral vision movement really is. Like. It's a bunch of dancers that are doing this work side by side of understanding our identity, understanding our positionality in this country, and how all of those experiences as diaspora kids that are not in our motherlands, how that all connects and how that comes out in the form of movement. You know, like, that work is so important. It's like, it's more important than, like, if the arms are clean. Like, who cares about that point? What's important is, like, do you understand why these two movements that we're using in this piece, whether it's like, you know, it's a traditional piece and we're using, like, voguing to, like, weave the two things together? Like, why are we doing that? And I think once we get to that place of discourse and, like, investigation, right? If we're just, like, really asking ourselves these questions of why do these two things matter to me? Yeah. It gets you to a place where you can open up and ask about all the other aspects of your life, of, like, why does this matter to me? It's all about self discovery. And if you allow yourself to just ask questions and give yourself. Allow yourself to answer that and give yourself these answers, it just makes you a more enlightened being. And ultimately, like we've talked about earlier with the yoga sutras, it just contributes to your dharma. It just contributes to this overall, like, oh, your purpose here is to know yourself. Yeah. And you, you are so many different shades, and you should get to know all those different shades while you're here on this earth. You don't have to be like, only this shade matters because of that. The society only values this part and then the other parts, they don't value that. So why would I talk? It's like, you value that. That's it. You just place the value in that. And that's it. Exactly.
[58:06] Valerie: I love it. Hey, I think that's a beautiful place to end.
[58:10] Ally Vega: Thank you.
[58:11] Valerie: It's been a really great conversation. I feel like we probably need a part two at some point as we keep going through our journey. So thank you so much, Allie. So tell us, what do you have going on in terms of projects? Where can we find you?
[58:26] Ally Vega: Yeah, I'm working on a couple things. Please follow ancestral vision movement on Instagram. It's just one word. Ancestral vision movement. I also shout out to my new training program I just started last year. It's called Femesen, my personal training program that's geared towards women, femmes, and non binary folks to express movements in a liberated way. It's a creative movement program. And, yes, it's mainly dance, but I use a lot of different forms to kind of inform the dancing. And so my next workshop is coming up soon, either in May or June. But please follow Fem essence movement. That's what the Instagram handle is feminist movement on IG to stay up to date with that. And then if you want to follow just me, I am underscore Alyvega on Instagram.
[59:20] Valerie: Awesome. All right, thank you so much. Thanks, everyone, for tuning in to from the ashes. We will see you next time.
